


the scales from his eyes

by nettlestingsoup



Series: to fly and to fall [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angels, Coming Out, Fluff, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, M/M, Tattoo Artist Seo Changbin, barely any angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25105528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nettlestingsoup/pseuds/nettlestingsoup
Summary: Felix has always believed in magic; he spent his childhood exploring the occult shop run by his friend's grandmother, after all, and listening to the stories she told. It's ingrained in him as deeply as any belief he's ever held.But an angel is still the last thing he expects to see in the night sky, flying over the city like an omen. And with his friends struggling with pain he doesn't understand, and his own secret burning somewhere beneath his ribs, Felix hopes it's a good one. A sign for better things to come.And perhaps Felix's life will begin to change after all.Just not by magic.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: to fly and to fall [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748986
Comments: 30
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to Part 3 of to fly and to fall. As before, this story occurs simultaneously to the other works in the series, and this work probably features the most crossover points out of all of them. As such, you will most likely be a little confused if you haven't read the previous works. Please check them out!
> 
> This work will update every two days; enjoy <3

It started, as far as Felix saw it, with an angel.

He was wandering home from a coffee shop when he saw it, taking a route he was unsure of; he’d only been in the city for a few days, and despite his familiarity with it from childhood, things had changed a good deal since he’d last lived there. But thanks to the guidance of his friend Chan, reconnecting for the first time after years apart, Felix was almost certain this was the way home.

Almost.

It had been more than a little nostalgic to see Chan again, he thought as he walked. They’d been close as children, growing up playing games in the road during summer holidays, exchanging Pokémon cards after school. And then Felix had moved away, and despite their attempts to keep in touch, Chan had gradually fallen out of contact. He hadn’t been well, Felix’s mother had told him. Had dropped out of university after his second year, running his the occult shop his grandmother had managed in their youth and then eventually closing that up too. Felix had almost forgotten about him until he moved back here, wandering streets he associated with the two of them. He’d reached out, and Chan had responded. Today was the first time they’d actually met up face to face, reconnecting over coffee, and Felix’s heart felt lighter than it had in a good while. Things had changed, of course; they were both considerably older, Chan looking thinner and more tired than he had in his early teens. But at heart, Felix thought, they were still the same.

Dusk was falling over the city by the time he reached an area he recognised. An close online friend of his, Jeongin, lived close to here, he thought, in one of the old warehouse buildings that had been converted into flats. Not that Felix had been able to see him yet; he’d seemed excited by the prospect of the two of them moving to the same city for university, but had gone completely silent a short while ago, not responding to messages on any media. Felix kept texting him anyway. Just in case.

Felix was just considering paying him a surprise visit when he saw it; a shadow on the rooftop. It looked like a man, standing tall and straight atop the peak of the roof, features hidden by the dusk. Felix stood for a moment, too amazed to even think of being frightened for him. How had he managed to get up there? How was he balancing like that, barely even swaying?

The man shifted, and Felix felt his breath stop, holding steady in his lungs as though he were frozen in time.

Because the man had  _ wings _ .

Felix stood still as a statue, waiting for the man to move again, to reveal himself as nothing more than a trick of the fading light; but he only spread his wings wider, walking lightly towards the edge of the roof. His wingspan was more than double Felix’s height, close-knit feathers letting only the barest hints of moonlight through.

Felix kept watching, barely daring to breathe.

And the man took flight. He  _ soared _ .

Felix watched him circle higher, wings looping like a hummingbird in slow motion, keeping his body upright. An angel. That was an  _ angel _ .

The angel started to change course before Felix had fully processed what he was seeing, heading out away from the centre of the city, and Felix followed without a second thought.

It flew fast, heading towards the mountain foothills that lay to the west of the city, and Felix realised almost immediately that he couldn’t keep up; his lungs began to burn from the effort of running, and as the evening faded into night, it became harder and harder to distinguish shadow from sky.

_ Just a little further, _ he thought to himself.  _ Just enough to see where it might be going. _

He rounded a corner, meaning to keep the angel in sight, and collided almost immediately with something solid.

_ "Ow _ ."

Felix stumbled, hitting the pavement hard enough to bruise as he bounced off the person he’d bumped into. A sketchbook collided with his knee, and he did his best to catch it before it landed in a puddle.

"What- sorry! Are you ok?" the stranger asked. Felix nodded, not really paying attention. "You were going pretty fast there. Is- is someone chasing you? Do you need help?"

Felix looked up, searching the sky in silence. No sign of the angel. "Nah," he said vaguely. "I’m fine, I was just… following something." Finally, he let his gaze rest on the stranger’s face. In the dim light of the distant street lamp, he could make out little more than a sharply angled jaw and the shadow of a prominent nose, brows furrowed in concern. He held out the sketchbook. "Sorry. I think I made you drop this."

"Thanks," the stranger said, taking the sketchbook and offering Felix his hand. Felix let himself be pulled to his feet, and was surprised to find the stranger a little shorter than himself. It didn’t particularly stop him feeling small; his shoulders were broad, bare forearms patterned with roses up into the sleeves of his t-shirt. The overall effect was a little intimidating.

"You sure you’re ok?" the stranger asked carefully. "You don’t need a walk home or anything?" He sounded genuinely concerned, and Felix relaxed a little. He shook his head.

"Thank you, but I’m ok. I just… yeah. Thought I saw something."

"What was it?" the stranger asked curiously.

Felix laughed. "An angel," he said, fully aware of just how insane he must sound, and the stranger’s eyes widened in disbelief. "Thanks for the offer of a walk home. Have a good night."

"Are you- are you sure you’re ok?" The stranger called after him as he wandered away. Felix ignored him. An angel. He’d seen an  _ angel _ .

He was certain of it.

* * *

Sleep didn’t alter the surety of the vision; Felix awoke the next morning still thinking of the shape of wings in the twilight, a figure walking along the peak of Jeongin’s roof like a tightrope.

In some ways, Felix felt like he ought to be a little more surprised by what he had seen; it really had been an angel, after all. And while Felix was no stranger to the concept of things beyond understanding, having spent a great deal of time absorbing Chan’s grandmother’s stories in his youth, to actually  _ see _ something like that was… inconceivable.

He would text Jeongin, Felix decided, asking him if he believed in angels. Just as a way to get this off his chest. He wouldn’t really expect a response. He texted Jeongin a lot these days, but it was rare that he even read the messages. The two of them had gotten closer than Felix ever expected for people who befriended each other online, even crossing the bridge of making occasional visits to each other’s old houses once they’d verified that the other was real, and Felix had thought that they’d reached the point where they’d stick by each other. But then Jeongin had disappeared, stopped answering messages, and then stopped reading them, and after some deliberation, Felix had decided to just keep on sending him messages intermittently. Just to show Jeongin that he was still there. That he cared. He was sort of losing hope of ever getting an answer.

But his phone buzzed almost as soon as he’d sent the text, and Felix blinked at it in shock.

_ I do _ , Jeongin had said.  _ Do you ? _

They texted back and forth for around an hour after that, Felix struggling not to betray his excitement at finally receiving some kind of contact from his friend. It had been weeks.  _ Weeks _ of silence.

Perhaps this was the start of Jeongin opening himself up to the world again, after whatever had made him shut himself away. Felix hoped so.

He texted Chan once Jeongin’s texts faded into single-syllable responses, asking if he wanted to meet up again. Chan responded enthusiastically, sending him an address and asking Felix to meet him there, and Felix sighed as he looked at the multitude of boxes littering his floor. One of them probably had a shirt in. He didn’t have the faintest clue which one.

He supposed he had better start looking.

* * *

Even having unpacked six separate boxes, Felix was only ten minutes late to his meeting with Chan, waving as he approached the cafe at an awkward-half run.

"Trouble finding your way?" Chan asked, smiling broadly.

"Trouble finding clothes," Felix admitted, and Chan laughed.

"Come on," he said. "I’ll buy you a coffee and then help you unpack a bit."

"Honestly, that sounds like the best plan you’ve ever come up with."

Armed with takeout cups and bags of blueberry muffins, the two headed back to Felix’s new flat.

* * *

"You really weren’t joking about having trouble finding things, huh?" Chan commented, taking in the array of items scattered about the floor. "Let’s take this one box at a time."

It took the two of them almost four hours to unpack and put away most of Felix’s things. A few boxes remained, but Felix insisted that Chan leave those to him. "I can’t take up your whole day. It’s good to see you again after so long, it really is, but… you kind of just wanted to get coffee today."

Chan laughed. "Yeah, we derailed. It’s ok, though. I do have a friend staying at my house right now, but he knows where everything is, so it’s not a huge issue to leave him on his own."

"Oh? A  _ friend?" _ He wasn’t sure whether it was a joke he was really allowed to make; Chan had come out as gay a good few years ago now, putting a brief announcement on social media, and the two of them had never really talked about it. Felix had considered telling Chan back then that he understood, that he was the same, but he’d deleted the message before he sent it. He still hadn’t told anyone, keeping the secret tucked away in a box he wasn’t sure he knew how to open.

Chan gave a slightly weak grin, turning his face away. Felix wasn’t sure if he was imagining the slight hint of pink in his cheeks. "Shut up, Felix. He really is just a friend."

Felix laughed. "Ok, ok. If you say so." He sighed. "This place is looking ok now, I think. It’ll take a few days to make it look perfect though, I guess. Although I suppose hanging out at yours might be awkward with your friend there.” He paused. “Wait, where do you actually live? I never asked."

"Remember my grandma’s shop?" Chan asked. "I live in the flat above it. The shop’s closed right now, though."

"Why did you close it?" Felix asked. He knew, of course, to some degree. Chan hadn’t been well. But no one had ever quite explained to him what that meant, and Felix was more than a little curious.

"I just… I wasn’t well," Chan said vaguely, and Felix suppressed a sigh. "Better now, though."

"You should reopen it!" Felix suggested. "I always loved that place."

"Yeah, me too. I liked running it, too, I just…" Chan sighed. "I don’t know. I only just got better. I don’t know if it’s too soon."

"You won’t know unless you try," Felix pointed out, and Chan smiled softly at him. It was the same smile Chan had always tended to give Felix, that a fond yet often somewhat exasperated older brother. To Felix, that smile felt like home.

"Maybe you’re right. It’s a hell of a mess right now, though."

"I’ll help you clean up."

Chan laughed. "You really want me to reopen, huh?"

Felix shrugged. "If you liked running the shop then it makes sense to do something that makes you happy. Your grandma probably left it to you for a reason."

"Yeah," Chan said softly. "Maybe she did." He smiled. "Thanks, Felix. I missed you, you know that?"

"I missed you, too. Now get out my flat, I need to find places for all my dumb knick-knacks."

"Ok, ok, I’m going."

Felix waved from the door as Chan wandered away down the street, nodding slightly to the music in his headphones. It had been good to see him again today, to prove somehow that their reconnection wasn’t going to be short-lived. And to see him doing well; there had sometimes been an odd sense of fragility to Chan when they were younger, as though he was barely holding himself together. It was still there, to a degree, but there seemed to be a kind of strength behind it now, like dry earth that had finally been watered well. Felix wondered if  _ that _ was what he’d meant when he said he hadn’t been well. He’d ask properly, he decided, when the moment was right. Just to make sure everything was ok.

But for now, he had boxes to put away, and shelves to rearrange, and more than a little sleep to catch up on. Taking one last long moment to breathe in the late summer air and the amber glow of sunset over the city, Felix headed back inside and up the stairs.   



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet Changbin and Jeongin properly! This took me far too long to format and upload due to the presence of a very, very large cat on my lap.
> 
> Next update Friday!

A few days passed in a similar way, Felix spending his time getting used to his new flat and the city; he baked cupcakes in his new oven and found the correct cupboard for cleaning supplies after clearing up the mess; he moved the same little statue of a fox seven times in one day, asking for Jeongin’s opinion on each position and deciding eventually that it looked perfect where it had been in the first place; he even reread one or two of the books he’d brought with him that he hadn’t touched since childhood. It was a good time to get used to a new place, he decided. The late summer turned every day long and lazy with honey-gold sunlight or bright, warm rain that seemed to wash everything clean. Chan spent a few of those days showing him around, endlessly regaling him with stories of his mysterious friend.

"You’d love him," he told Felix. "He’s really sweet, and kind, and just… one of those people who’s just really  _ good _ , you know?"

"Can I meet him?" Felix asked, and he watched Chan’s expression fall into something carefully and uncomfortably neutral.

"Maybe," he said. "I’d like you to, but… he’s kind of shy, I guess."

"Fair enough. What’s he going to do when you open up the shop?"

Chan laughed. " _ When _ , huh? Not if?"

"Oh, it’s a when," Felix teased. "You know it is."

Chan went quiet for a moment. "I don’t know what he’ll do," he admitted. "I guess we figure that out when we get there."

Felix didn’t push the subject any further.

* * *

Eventually, Chan texted Felix asking if he’d be ok on his own the next day; his friend was feeling a little lonely, he said. Nothing for Felix to feel guilty about, Chan just hadn’t been great at maintaining a balance.

It was a little odd to spend a morning with nothing to do; Felix was so used to being rushed off his feet with plans, exploring every inch of the city and cramming in unpacking and tidying and cooking, that it was strange to just… sit. He’d find a new coffee shop, he decided. Explore by himself.

After a little while spent searching the internet for coffee shops and getting distracted on social media, Felix managed to find a place that appealed and was within easy walking distance of his flat. He turned left instead of his usual right outside his door, following the directions on his maps app until he rounded a corner to see a shop front that matched the photos online. The inside of the cafe looked calm and cosy, gently lit with bare edison bulbs and decorated in shades of warm sepia. A special’s board advertised various flavours of ice cream milkshake in flowing cursive, little pictures of fruits and fudge squares drawn next to the respective flavours. He’d made a good choice, Felix decided.

The bell rang as he stepped through the door, and a customer at the high bar by the window glanced up. His eyes widened in surprise, and he waved. It took Felix an uncomfortably long moment to recognise him, only realising who he was seeing when he took in the sketchbook on the table and the tattoos of roses climbing up the man’s arms.

"Hey," he said, wandering over. "You’re the guy I bumped into a few days ago, right?"

"Yeah," the customer replied. He was better looking than Felix remembered, features clearer in the light of the coffee shop than they had been under a street lamp. There was something softer about him than just the angles that Felix had noted before; a gentleness to his eyes and the shape of his cheekbones. "I guess it might be a little weird to talk to you, but… maybe it’s fate that we ended up meeting again, right?" He stuck out a hand. "Seo Changbin."

"Maybe it is," Felix replied. "Lee Felix."

Changbin laughed. "Good to get a name. I’ve been calling you Saul."

"You’ve- you’ve been calling me what?" Felix asked. He wasn’t sure how to process the fact that a stranger was  _ calling _ him anything, let alone a name like Saul. He wasn’t even quite sure how to process that they were having a conversation.

Changbin began flicking through the pages of his sketchbook, too fast for Felix to really catch a glimpse of anything it contained. "I drew you," he admitted. "Maybe that was kind of weird, and it’s not- it’s not perfect, because I didn’t exactly have a reference photo or anything, but… I don’t know. The look on your face… You said you’d seen an angel, and the way you looked up at the sky-" he handed the book over, leaving Felix to examine a half-finished sketch of his own head and shoulders. "I don’t know. Just never found anything I wanted to draw more than that, I guess."

Felix leaned a little closer to Changbin to see the drawing better; some of the features were slightly off- Changbin had pointed out that he was working purely from memory- but it was unmistakably him. The shading made his eyes shine, staring up as though he’d seen heavenly light split the clouds, and Felix scanned down to the caption, scrawled underneath in messy academic cursive:  _ At once something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. _

"It’s from the Bible," Changbin explained. "The story of Saul the prophet."

"It’s beautiful," Felix murmured, "but you kind of don’t strike me as the type to be able to recite Bible quotes." He gestured to the floral tattoos that adorned Changbin’s arms, unsure of how else to get the point across.

Changbin laughed. "You know, I get that a lot. You’re right, though. I’m not really the church-going type. I was raised pretty religious, though, and I guess some stuff just stuck." He shifted, tilting his head a little. "You know, I was pretty surprised to hear you say you saw an angel that day," he said lightly.

Felix shrugged. "I was pretty surprised to see one," he countered. He still wasn’t sure how he’d ended up in a full-on conversation with this near-stranger, but he didn’t particularly mind. Something about Changbin was just… engaging. It made Felix want to keep talking to him.

"Yeah, I guess you were," Changbin agreed. There was something odd in his tone, careful and distant, and Felix got the impression from it that Changbin didn’t fully believe him. He shrugged it off. He wasn’t sure he’d believe that story from a stranger either. But he knew what he had seen.

"Do you think you’ll finish the drawing?" he asked. "It’s good."

"Probably. You know, if you give me some contact details I can send you a scan once it’s done if you like. It’s almost finished anyway. I know you don’t actually know me, or anything, but..." he laughed, seeming a little embarrassed. "I promise I’m not a weirdo. And I just wasn’t expecting to see you again, so…"

"You’re right. It’s like fate," Felix said brightly, and he watched Changbin smile slowly.

"It’s not my best work," he said as Felix dug a pen from his bag. "But I just- I kinda had to draw you, you know? I guess you’re a muse."

"I’m happy with that," Felix said, hoping he wasn’t blushing. Changbin was  _ handsome _ , he’d noticed that as soon as he saw him in proper daylight, and to have him call Felix a muse… it was flattering, to say the least. If Felix were in any way comfortable with his sexuality, he might consider flirting.

"Hey, pass me that napkin," he continued. "I don’t want to write my number in your sketchbook."

Changbin snorted as he slid the napkin over. "Trust me, it’s trashed anyway, but I appreciate the concern."

"What else have you got in there?" Felix asked as he wrote out his number, careful not to tear the thin paper as he did so.

"Mostly tattoo designs. Sometimes people are pretty vague with their specifications, so I have chunks of like… ten pages with just the same design sketched out in slightly different ways."

"You tattoo people?"

"Yeah, that’s my job," Changbin told him, laughing. "If you’re interested, let me know." He pulled the napkin closer, tucking it into his pocket.

"Not a clue what I’d get."

Changbin shrugged. "I like doing florals, but I’d be happy to help you design anything if you get an idea." He glanced over his shoulder at the counter. "I feel like I’m distracting you from getting coffee."

"Nah, I’m distracting myself. Talking to someone is better than just wandering around by myself though. I was just gonna get coffee and explore the city a bit."

"You’re new here?"

"Sort of. Born and raised but moved away when I was still a kid. A lot’s changed."

"Want me to give you a bit of a tour of some hidden gems?" Changbin offered. "I spend most of my time looking for half decent green spaces, so I know where a lot of them are if you need to get away from all the grey."

Felix thought about it for a moment. He barely knew Changbin. This was the second time they’d met, and perhaps Felix shouldn’t trust strangers so easily, but it felt like they’d just  _ clicked _ . It had nothing to do with Changbin being so good-looking, he told himself. Absolutely nothing. "You know what," he said slowly. "That might be nice. Unless you’re like, busy today."

Changbin shook his head. "I came in here to sketch, but the lighting’s all wrong to be honest. Good coffee, though."

"I’ll buy one and then we can go for a walk, then?"

"Sounds like a plan. There’s a little park a few streets away that not many people seem to know about."

By the time Felix had bought his coffee, Changbin had packed up his sketchbook and pencils into his bag and was waiting by the door with a tentative smile. Felix got the impression he was a little surprised to be doing this too, but he didn’t seem unhappy with it.

The park he led Felix to was small but well-kept; a few trees were dotted around, providing shade from the August sunshine, and flowerbeds bloomed with the last of the summer flowers.

"It’s not exactly a water fight kind of park, but it’s a good place to sketch," Changbin told him, and Felix smiled.

"Yeah, I see what you mean. It’s nice, though. And you’re right, it’s good to see some green."

"The grey of the city can really get you down if you let it," Changbin agreed.

"Is that why you covered yourself in flowers?" Felix asked jokingly, gesturing to Changbin’s arms. "You miss the green?”

Changbin shrugged, seeming a little embarrassed. "I like flowers. They’re pretty."

"I wasn’t making fun of you," Felix reassured him. "I like flowers too. And they suit you." He meant it perfectly honestly. The lines of the roses were somehow delicate and bold simultaneously, the style Felix thought was referred to as traditional tattooing matching Changbin’s aesthetic well. There was a softness to the roses, and to Changbin, despite the sheer volume of ink cobwebbing over his skin.

The smile Changbin gave him then was positively blinding. "People expect me to have tough guy tattoos of dragons or something. It’s nice to hear that they suit me."

"I’ll admit, if I saw a guy built like you I kind of wouldn’t expect flowers," Felix told him. "But I don’t know. I know we don’t really know each other that well, but… they really seem like  _ you _ ."

"I’m glad."

They spent perhaps a further half hour in the little park, Changbin stopping to take a few photos of the flowers before they faded. "Are you ok getting home from here?" he asked eventually. "I don’t want to just abandon you in the middle of the city."

Felix waved his phone. "Got maps. I’ll be ok."

"Good. Don’t want you getting lost. I’ll text you a scan of that sketch when it’s done, and…" Changbin paused, looking down at his shoes. "Maybe we could hang out again? Only if you want, it’s not… no pressure, or anything."

"I’d really like that," Felix said excitedly, and he watched Changbin’s smile bloom. "You’ve got my number, so… text me."

"Yeah, that’s- I will. I’ll see you, then."

Felix waved goodbye as Changbin headed for the opposite end of the park, glowing a little in the beginnings of the sunset. He’d made a friend. His first new friend in this city. Felix did his best not to jump up and down on the spot. As much as he loved spending time with Chan, catching up as old friends do, it was a special kind of joy to open up his heart to someone new. Changbin would fit there quite nicely, he thought; he was sweet, and kind, and  _ steady _ in a way few people were. A rock that the river just kept flowing around.

Felix hoped he could make Changbin happy too.

* * *

Felix took his time making dinner that evening, carefully measuring out ingredients according to his mother’s recipe to make sure everything was just so. His whole flat smelled of her cooking by the end, and it drew from him a tension he hadn’t been aware he was holding. It was nice to have just a little of home.

He was just settling down in front of his laptop with a bowl of ice cream when the text from Jeongin came through. He was asking to meet up, for Felix to come to his flat, and Felix felt a bubble of hope swell in his chest. Things still weren’t perfect between him and Jeongin; his friend still seemed distant and strange, messaging at odd hours of the night or going offline halfway through a conversation. But it was better than Felix not knowing if he was even alive.

He headed over the Jeongin’s flat the next day, eyes fixed thoughtfully on the sky. Jeongin had said that he believed in angels, too. Felix would have to ask him if he knew anything about the one launching from his roof. He was still certain he had seen it, despite Changbin’s obvious doubt, and he was starting to develop a tendency to spend his entire evening on the balcony, watching the clouds and hoping for a glimpse of wings.

Jeongin’s voice, when it crackled through the intercom, sounded… faint. Tired and hoarse and barely there.

"Hello?" he asked, and Felix took a moment to process just how unlike himself he sounded.

"Hi, Jeongin!" he called cheerfully, trying not to betray just how worried he was. "It’s Felix."

He took the following buzz of the intercom to mean he could come in, heading up the stairs to the address Jeongin had given him over text. He was all the way up on the sixth floor, and by the time he reached the fourth, Felix was almost regretting not taking the lift. It was dodgy, Jeongin had told him, intermittently going down when it should go up. The stairs would be quicker.

So Felix hauled himself up the last two flights of stairs, panting as he did so, and knocked on Jeongin’s door.

When Jeongin opened the door, his breath caught in his throat.

He looked  _ awful _ . He was thinner than Felix had ever seen him, cheeks too hollow for the size of his eyes, the circles beneath them dark as evening shadows. His hand, resting on the door, was shaking.

"Uh… hi," Felix said, offering him a tentative smile. Jeongin smiled back, fragile as frost, and Felix felt the urge to pull him in for a hug. He didn’t.

"Come on in," Jeongin said, leading the way into his flat. The door swung shut before Felix could catch it, and Jeongin visibly twitched at the sound of it slamming against the frame.

"Sorry," Felix murmured, and Jeongin shook his head hurriedly.

"No, it’s… not your fault," he said quietly, avoiding Felix’s eyes.

"Jeongin," Felix said gently, reaching for his arm. His skin was cold, and Felix felt the urge to pull him close again, keep him warm. "Are you ok?"

Jeongin paused, staring down at the floor. Felix thought he could feel his pulse through his fingertips. "Something happened," he whispered eventually. "Something… something bad. I haven’t really- you’re the first person I’ve seen in a while." He shook his head. "You’re not. But you’re the first  _ person _ I’ve seen in a while."

"You mentioned angels," Felix said carefully, and he felt Jeongin tense.

"I don’t want to talk about it," Jeongin said quickly. "I don’t- I can’t-"

"Ok," Felix soothed. "You don’t have to talk about it. That’s fine." He paused for a moment, casting about for something to say. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I don’t remember."

Felix felt sick. This wasn’t the Jeongin he knew, all bright smiles and sharp wit and boundless energy. This… this was a shadow. A ghost.

"Ok, how about I buy you something?" he suggested. "I can go to the convenience store, pick up some stuff. Anything you want."

"I don’t want to be any trouble-"

"You aren’t. It’s just down the street, and those stairs are good for me."  _ Please say yes,  _ Felix thought desperately.  _ I need to see you eat something. You’re scaring me _ .

Jeongin smiled tentatively. "That sounds good," he admitted, and Felix felt his knees shake a little with relief.

"Great!" he said, as brightly as he could. "How about I skype you when I’m in there, let you pick some stuff out? I’m guessing you don’t really want to leave your flat."

"Not really," Jeongin whispered. He was visibly shaking, Felix noticed, and he felt himself go a little cold at the sight of it. What had happened to his friend to make him this afraid? To make him lose weight and sleep and shut himself away?

"Ok, I’ll head down now and call you when I’m there," he suggested. "Does that sound like a plan?"

"It does," Jeongin agreed, handing over his key as Felix headed for the door again, shrugging his coat back on. "And Felix?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." Jeongin smiled a little. It barely met his eyes. Felix found himself nodding instead of giving any verbal response. He didn’t quite know what to say.

Jeongin was reaching out, he told himself as he clattered down the stairs. Whatever had happened, however bad things had gotten, Jeongin was reaching out.

That had to be a good thing.

* * *

Their call in the convenience store was short-lived, but it seemed enough to make Jeongin laugh a little; Felix panning his phone over arrays of snacks, whispering that he was getting strange looks, and eventually dropping his phone due to the sheer volume of food he was carrying. He had less trouble once it was all in carrier bags, and he ran up the stairs two at a time, wanting to get back to Jeongin as quickly as possible.

Outside the door, Felix fumbled for the key Jeongin had given him so that he could let himself back in, putting down bags so that he could reach into his pockets and find it.

"-is good, Jeongin. We’re proud of you." Felix paused. That wasn’t a voice he recognised. And there hadn’t been anyone else in Jeongin’s flat when he’d left. But that was another voice, a little more nasal than Jeongin’s, a little warmer, telling him that he was  _ proud  _ of him?

"He’ll be back soon," he heard Jeongin say. "You should go."

"Ok. But you know we’ll be close by, yeah? Just like always. If you need us, we’ll be right here."

"I know. Thank you."

There was silence then, and Felix panicked as he realised the person must be leaving. He quickly ran to the broken lift, ducking inside and frantically pressing the button to close the door. He waited for a few minutes, listening for footsteps the whole time. They didn’t come.

After a while, he cautiously stepped out of the lift, knocking on Jeongin’s door to let him know he was coming before he inserted the key into the keyhole. It was still locked, he realised. Someone had unlocked and opened the door, locked it again, and walked away, and Felix hadn’t heard them? Unless they were still inside, of course.

But when he stepped into the flat, there was only Jeongin. Standing alone in the centre of the room, shivering in the breeze from the open window, thin and pale but smiling as Felix raised the bags of food so that he could see them.

"I got you groceries as well as snacks," Felix told him. "Should keep you going for a few days."

"You didn’t have to do that," Jeongin said softly. He looked like he might cry.

"But I did, so," Felix said lightly. "I bought cup ramen, do you want one now?"

"Yeah," Jeongin agreed, wiping his eyes quickly with the heel of his hand. "Yeah, I do."

"Nice."

The two of them sat on the floor in front of the sofa once the water had boiled, waiting for their ramen to soak. Felix filled the silence as best he could, talking about Changbin and seeing his old friend Chan again.

"He used to run the old occultist shop on the other side of town; I don’t know if you know it?"

Jeongin shrugged uncomfortably. "I- I don’t know. I haven’t explored much."

"No, I- I guess you haven’t. Sorry."

"It’s ok. You can’t just completely avoid bringing up the outside world," Jeongin said, laughing weakly, and Felix’s heart ached.

"Jeongin… I know you don’t want to talk about what happened, but… if I can help at all, if there’s anything I can do- I can help you find a therapist, maybe, someone who can help-"

"No one would believe me if I told them what happened," Jeongin said quietly, and Felix fell silent. "Trust me, Felix. I’d get put in a psych ward. I just… I need to handle this by myself."

"Ok," Felix murmured, trying to stop his hands shaking. What the hell had happened to make Jeongin hide alone at home, afraid of angels and being institutionalised? Who had hurt him?

"Then I’ll keep coming over," he continued as brightly as he could. "I’ll keep buying groceries for you, too, but you might have to pay me back at least a little. And maybe we can work up to going outside, ok?" Jeongin flinched, and Felix reached carefully for his hand. It felt like trying to approach a wild animal, skittish and afraid. "How does that sound?"

"Good," Jeongin admitted slowly. "That… that sounds good." He smiled at Felix, trembling and hopeful. "I’m so glad you’re here, Lix."

"Glad to be here," Felix told him, and Jeongin squeezed his hand.

Felix stayed with Jeongin until almost midnight, recommending him an endless list of shows he could watch online since he’d be staying inside, along with free classes in as many random skills he could find.

Jeongin looked a little happier than he had done when Felix arrived. That was something, at least.

Felix’s phone buzzed just as he was unlocking his door; Changbin had texted him, sending him a picture captioned  _ it’s finished! _

He shot back a quick reply reprimanding his new friend for staying up so late before he took the time to examine the picture, eyes widening as he realised that it was the sketch of him Changbin had been working on.

It made him look  _ beautiful _ . The awe in his eyes, lips slightly parted, a flush high in his cheeks; did he really look like that? Was he that expressive? Felix couldn’t quite imagine there being so much  _ feeling _ in the minutiae of his expressions on a day to day basis.

But that was what Changbin had seen.

He texted Changbin back quickly, saying that the sketch was amazing, that he was honoured.

Changbin’s only response was to ask if Felix wanted to meet up again, and Felix got the impression that he was distinctly awkward when it came to receiving compliments. That was sweet, he thought. Endearing.

In the end, they agreed to meet up in a few days’ time, and Felix curled up in bed with a distinctive warmth in his chest. He’d seen Jeongin again, after all that time. He’d made a new friend in Changbin.

His life was going to be good here, he decided. Not yet, maybe; there were still things to settle, a degree to start. But he was off to a good start.

He fell asleep with his phone still in his hand, Changbin’s sketch staring up at him as though he were something divine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Felix has quite a lot to cope with in this chapter...
> 
> Thank you for reading! Next update Sunday <3

Felix dragged Chan to the coffee shop where he’d met Changbin the next day, watching his friend’s eyes light up at the soft sepia of the interior.

"Don’t you have classes to go to?" Chan asked once they’d ordered. "I feel like you spend all your time in coffee shops when you should be like… doing a degree."

"I don’t start for another couple of weeks," Felix told him, navigating around chairs to find a table with comfortable chairs. "I moved in pretty early."

"Fair enough."

"Speaking of things we should be doing," Felix said slowly. "Have you thought any more about opening up the shop?"

Chan laughed, shaking his head a little at Felix’s usual audacity. "Honestly? I think you’re right. It was something I loved doing, and…" he paused, looking oddly pensive, and Felix waited patiently for him to continue. "And I think I need it. To get on with my life, you know?"

"Yeah," Felix agreed. "I get you." He grinned. "Maybe I can come round and help out when I’m not in lectures! Like a part time job."

"I was thinking, actually," Chan began as the waitress arrived with their coffees, "that you could come round tomorrow and help me make a start on some of the cleaning up?"

Felix blinked. He hadn’t expected that. "What about your friend?" he asked. "I thought he was shy. I don’t want to like… kick him out for an entire day."

"Yeah…" Chan said. "About that." He stopped, staring down into his coffee for a moment, and took a deep breath.

"Is everything ok?" Felix asked. "You guys didn’t- you didn’t fall out or something?"

"No, we didn’t. I just… there’s something I should mention about him."

"Is he your boyfriend after all?" Felix joked, but his attempt at a smile slipped away when Chan still didn’t reply. "Chan?"

Chan inhaled again, and Felix sat in silence this time, waiting for him to speak. "He’s…" Chan began. "He’s not human."

"He’s- what?" Felix asked slowly.

"I know it sounds crazy," Chan told him almost before he’d finished speaking, eyes wide and imploring. "But just… listen, ok?" Felix nodded, wondering exactly what Chan was going to tell him. What was his friend, if not human? And what was he doing in Chan’s flat?

Chan sighed heavily, and closed his eyes. "Woojin… is an angel," he said eventually.

Felix thought he felt his heart shift in his chest, swooping down to his stomach like the impossible shadow he’d seen in the clouds above Jeongin’s flat. "An angel?"

"I know it sounds crazy- like,  _ really _ crazy, but-"

"It doesn’t," Felix interrupted softly, only just processing what Chan had told him. An angel. There was an angel living in his flat.

"What?" Chan asked, looking a little as though Felix had slapped him across the face.

"It doesn’t sound crazy," Felix told him. "I’ve seen an angel before. I know they’re real." He was getting excited now, head spinning a little. He really had seen one that night. Perhaps it had even been Woojin.

Chan sat back in his chair, obviously still a little dazed. "You- when did you see an angel?"

"One flew over me when I was walking home a little while ago. I chased it, but I lost it."

Chan laughed incredulously, too loud for the small cafe, and Felix shrugged sheepishly as the sound turned a few heads. "Only you, Lix. Only you would see an angel by complete chance and be utterly unfazed by it."

"I wouldn’t say I was unfazed," he argued. "I was pretty thrown by it, but like… in a good way, I guess. Took it as a sign that good things are coming." Chan smiled, soft and affectionate, and Felix felt it warm him. "So," he continued. "How did an angel end up in your house?"

Chan’s face fell, and Felix got the impression that he maybe shouldn’t have asked. "That’s… that’s a long story," he said quietly. "It’s maybe not for now."

"Fair enough. I guess it doesn’t really matter," Felix said, trying to backtrack as subtly as he could. "So I can meet him? If I come to tidy up the shop?"

"Yeah. He agreed to it, so I don’t see why not."

Felix could feel himself beaming. An angel. He was going to meet an  _ angel _ . "What time should I come over?" he asked eagerly, and Chan smiled just a little at his enthusiasm.

"Whenever. Just let me know when you’re on your way, ok?"

"I will!"

* * *

Felix was almost too excited to sleep that night. He was going to meet an angel, he thought to himself over and over. A real angel, just like the one he’d seen above Jeongin’s flat.

He sat up in bed in the dark, grinning broadly. "I’m going to meet an angel," he said out loud, and had something of a difficult time trying not to squeal or laugh or shout it from his balcony.

His phone lit up just as he threw his head back down onto the pillow, a text from Changbin coming through. It was a photo of a bird he had seen on his way home from work, apparently. Something he thought Felix might like, he said, and Felix felt his heart leap at the idea that Changbin had thought of him so out of the blue.   


Opening the photo, Felix stared at it for a little while, barely holding back a smile. It was a sparrow, he thought, having just launched itself from a branch, wings spread wide against the sun. It was a beautiful photograph, and Felix made sure to tell Changbin so before he went right back to staring at it; the way the wings caught the light, sunlight slipping through spots where the barbs of the feathers were thinnest. Would Woojin’s wings look like that, he wondered? Would the light push through them in the same way? Would they be white, rather than a thousand shades of mottled brown?   


Changbin sent him a few more photos after that, just of things he’d seen on his journeys to and from work; everyday items and scenarios that somehow, he made seem beautiful through his lens. Felix reacted appreciatively to each one, wishing he had something to show in return. Changbin responded that it was simply nice to talk to him, something that made Felix so happy that he almost forgot about Woojin and sparrow’s wings.

But after they’d finished speaking, Changbin admitting at almost one in the morning that he needed to go to sleep, Felix returned to the photograph of the sparrow. Feathers splayed out against the sunlight, the motion of flight captured in one moment. Angelic. Holy.

Felix fell asleep not long after, phone still resting beside him on the pillow, light slowly fading from the screen.

* * *

Woojin, when Felix met him the next day, was everything Felix had imagined he might be. There was a gentleness to him like snowdrops blooming in the cold; delicate but strong and certain as spring emerging at winter’s end. And his  _ wings _ . Wide and white and shining faintly even in the daylight. Felix didn’t think he’d ever seen anything quite so perfect.

Woojin cared about Chan, Felix thought as he walked home at the end of the day. He had spoken of him with a kind of shy sincerity as they sorted herbs, as though he didn’t know how to hide how he was feeling. Perhaps he didn’t. Angels probably weren’t in the habit of lying about how they felt.

Felix hoped Chan noticed Woojin’s affection for him, too. Even if Chan had told him that Woojin was just a friend… it seemed like there was more there. Something warmer than friendship between the two of them.

Or perhaps that was just how angels acted around humans. Felix didn’t know.

He was still reeling from meeting Woojin when he headed over to his and Changbin’s coffee shop (he still found himself calling it that, despite meeting Chan there, too) the next day. He’d been so  _ real _ . So serene and gentle and sweet in a way Felix couldn’t quantify. Strawberries at the height of summer, perhaps. The taste of honey on his tongue, just from sitting in Woojin’s presence. He’d smelled of lavender, too, soothing and soporific.

Wandering up to the counter, Felix decided to forgo his usual coffee for a lavender tea, as though it would help him hold onto the experience just a little longer. He was still breathing in the scent of it when Changbin sat down opposite him, hair squashed down under a beanie but floral tattoos on full display as he pulled off his jacket. Did they trail right up to his shoulders, Felix wondered? He’d noticed the first time they met that they reached at least as far as the sleeves of his t-shirt; delicate and lovely and perpetually in bloom.

"You ok?" Changbin asked after Felix had failed to respond to his greetings several times. "You look a little… zoned out."

"Yeah," Felix replied softly. "I just… something kind of weird happened."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe. You’ll think it’s crazy."

"Ok," Changbin said slowly. He seemed uncertain, and Felix was reminded of the fact that they really didn’t know each other that well. It didn’t feel that way, with Changbin. It felt like they’d known each other for years, decades, some length of time Felix couldn’t quantify. They were just right, somehow. As if they’d been running on parallel lines and had finally curved to a convergence.

"I met an angel yesterday," Felix said eventually, and Changbin’s eyes widened just a fraction.

"What- like the one you saw the night we met?"

"Yeah. Except I  _ spoke  _ to him, Changbin. And he was… he was just… I can’t describe it. I really can’t." He glanced up from his tea to see Changbin looking at him uncertainly, apparently unsure of how to respond. "You don’t believe me."

"I- I don’t know, Felix. It’s…" Changbin paused, sighing. "I don’t know if I do."

"Do you believe in angels?" Felix asked curiously. "You said you were raised religious."

"Yeah, I was," Changbin confirmed. "But… I don’t know. It’s complicated. I believed in all that when I was younger, and to a degree… maybe I still do. I don’t know if I’d call it belief. I still get that- you know that calm you get, when you walk into a church? Or when you hear people sing hymns? Maybe calm is the wrong word, it’s more…" he stopped, seeming frustrated, and offered the waitress a vague smile as she brought over his coffee. "It’s peace. It’s a peace I’ve never found anywhere else. But God? Angels? I don’t know." He glanced up, meeting Felix’s eyes. His expression was troubled, and Felix got the impression that this was something he’d spent a great many nights lying awake with.

"I believe in something," Changbin said eventually. "I believe that there’s more than us. Maybe even that there’s something up there that’s watching out for us. But angels, walking the earth? I don’t know, Felix."

Felix shrugged a little. "That’s ok. I know what I saw. I just kind of wanted to tell someone, you know? Even if you don’t believe me."

"Yeah," Changbin said softly, and the two of them sat in the faux-silence of the cafe for a gentle moment, the scent of lavender and coffee mingling above their table.

"Thank you," Changbin said as the song drifting from the speakers blurred into a new melody. "For telling me. For sharing something important." He smiled, sweet as summer strawberries and gentle as lavender, and Felix smiled back. Perhaps Changbin would never believe him. Perhaps he thought Felix insane, or just a little strange. But Felix found he didn’t mind. As long as Changbin would still offer him smiles like that, full of all the warmth of sepia and Edison bulbs; blooming slowly, like the buds opening on his skin. As long as Changbin would still be his friend.

They hovered in the coffee shop, other customers passing by and moving on, until Changbin checked the time on his phone and sighed. " I have sketches to get done. But we can do this again, yeah?"

"Yeah," Felix agreed. "I’d like to."

"I’ll text you, then," Changbin said as they parted ways at the door, tattoos covered up by his jacket again. The weather would be getting colder in earnest soon, Felix realised. Those flowers would be hidden for months. The thought made him sad, somehow.

"And I’ll text you back, because that’s how conversations work," Felix replied, and Changbin laughed as he shook his head in mock exasperation.

"Sounds good. See you, Felix."

"See you."

Felix spent the rest of the day doing very little, soaking up the last of the sense of gentle lethargy Woojin had left him with like a cat in the sun. Peace, Changbin had said. A peace he’d never been able to find outside of stained glass and voices rising together in song. Perhaps that’s what this was. Felix hoped it would last.

And that perhaps, one day, Changbin would find it again.

* * *

Felix awoke to a text from Jeongin that had come through sometime in the night, asking if he could come over again. He needed company, he said, was trying hard not to spiral but just needed someone there.

Felix sent back a frantic apology for not being awake, asking if Jeongin was alright. He was halfway into his jacket when his phone buzzed again, and he scrambled for it as he tried to force his arm into his sleeve.

Jeongin was fine. Apologising, even, for worrying him. Saying that he didn’t need to come over if he didn’t want to.

The only reason Felix didn’t make it there in ten minutes was because he stopped for more groceries.

"You didn’t have to do that," Jeongin murmured as he held the door to his flat open to allow Felix in with the bags of shopping. He looked a little better, Felix noticed, cheeks less hollow even as the circles under his eyes had grown darker. He probably hadn’t slept, lying awake waiting for Felix to respond. The thought made him feel sick.

"I wanted to," Felix said brightly. "I figured we could make soup today, so I bought veg."

"That sounds nice," Jeongin replied vaguely. Felix wasn’t entirely sure Jeongin had actually heard him; it was somehow as if he wasn’t quite all there, and Felix didn’t really know what to do with it.

"Come on!" he said as encouragingly as he could. "Help me put stuff away, I don’t know how you organise your cupboards."

He tried to maintain conversation as Jeongin appeared to drift in and out behind his eyes, doing his best to keep his friend as present as he could. This was scaring him. Even if Jeongin looked like he’d been eating now, there was still so little of the boy Felix had known all those years left in him, and Felix just wanted to  _ help _ .

"Do you have a knife?" he asked brightly. "We need to chop some veg."

"Uh-" Jeongin began. "Yeah, I just- let me get the key to the cabinet."

He disappeared for a moment, returning with a cheap-looking silver key in hand. He reached up behind Felix to the only cupboard with a lock, opening it slowly to reveal a knife block inside, a set of barely-used kitchen knives contained within. There were scissors in the cupboard too, Felix noticed, along with a little pack of spare blades for a razor. Anything sharp, locked away in the dark.

Felix didn’t ask why.

"What was upsetting you last night?" he asked instead as he directed Jeongin to slice up an onion. Jeongin’s hand stilled for a moment.

"I was- I was just worrying."

"About what?"

"...that this might not stop," Jeongin said quietly. "That it might not get better." He put the knife down gently on the counter, hand shaking violently enough that the sound rattled for a moment. "What if I can never go outside again? What if I’m always too scared for the rest of my life?" He paused, blinking away tears. "I can’t- I can’t live like that, Lix. I can’t do it. I can’t be this forever, I can’t-"

"Woah, hey, come here," Felix murmured, gently pulling Jeongin close. He was too tall, really, curling himself small to press his face to Felix’s shoulder. "Hey. Shh, it’s ok. It’s ok."

"It’s  _ not _ ."

"I know. Sorry."

Jeongin sniffled a little, trying to breathe around a sob. "No, it’s ok. You’re trying to help."

"If you’d just- maybe I could help if I knew what happened, Jeongin-"

"I can’t tell you. I really wish I could."

"Ok. That’s ok." Felix pulled away a little, offering Jeongin the most reassuring smile he could manage. "You said you wanted to go outside? Maybe I can help?"

Jeongin’s eyes widened, and Felix felt his entire body tense up. "I- Felix, I can’t-"

"Just a step? I’ll be right there. We don’t even have to go down to the door, just… just a step outside your flat."

"I- no," Jeongin whispered. "I can’t. I really can’t. It’s too much, I-"

He was panicking now, Felix could tell, squirming in his hold until Felix released him carefully, backing himself up against the counter.

"Ok," Felix said soothingly, hands held out in a gesture of peace. "We won’t go outside. We can stay in here, it’s ok." He tried not to let his voice shake, to not give away the fact that Jeongin acting this way was leaving him dizzy with fear. "We’ve got soup to make, anyway."

"Yeah," Jeongin whispered after a long moment of shaking silence. "Soup."

They didn’t talk much after that. Felix didn’t have the energy to maintain a cheerful chatter while they cooked, and Jeongin was silent in the way of a rabbit caught in headlights, going still at any slight unexpected noise.

"Thanks for coming over," Jeongin muttered once they’d finished cooking, settled on the sofa with episodes of an old show they both loved running on in the background. "I’m sorry."

"For what?" Felix asked nonchalantly.

"For being like this."

"Jeongin… I don’t think this is your fault," Felix said slowly. "I know I don’t know what happened, but… I think someone hurt you. And it’s ok to be scared because of that."

"Yeah," Jeongin said softly. "Someone did."

He didn’t seem to want to say anything else. So Felix just shifted, pulling Jeongin down so that his friend’s head rested on his shoulder, and let the television play.

* * *

He left Jeongin’s sometime in the afternoon, his friend gently implying that he wanted to be by himself for a little while. Felix held him close before he left, trying to convey in one embrace just how much he wanted Jeongin to be ok. He wasn’t sure if he managed it, but the slight smile Jeongin gave him as he pulled away made him think he might.

The knock on his door came barely five minutes after Felix arrived home. He’d been sitting on his sofa, crying just a little, and the sound came as such a surprise he’d almost choked.

Felix wiped his eyes quickly, not wanting to answer the door looking tearful, and wandered through his flat to the front door.

Chan was outside, and unlike Felix, he hadn’t made the effort to pretend he wasn’t crying.

"Hey," he croaked, and Felix pulled him in for a hug in the doorway, rubbing his back gently as he sobbed.

"Ok," he said softly. "Come on in. Sit down." He guided Chan to the sofa, curling up beside him and stroking his hair in an attempt to offer comfort. "What’s wrong?"

"I’m an idiot, Lix," Chan said, voice strained and bitter. "I- god, I just pushed way too far and I’ve ruined everything, and-"

"Woah, woah. Ok. Tell me what happened?" Felix tried to make his voice as soothing as he could. He could do this twice in one day. That was fine. That wasn’t too much for him to take.

Chan sighed, wiping his eyes with the heels of his hands. It made little difference, new tears welling up immediately where the old ones had been. "I kissed Woojin," he whispered, and Felix watched his chin tremble as he did his best not to burst out crying again. "We were dancing and I just- I just kissed him and it was so  _ stupid _ and-" He broke off, sobbing into his hands, and Felix just rubbed his back helplessly.

"What- what did he do? How did he react?" Felix asked after a moment, and Chan shrugged miserably.

"I don’t know. I ran away. I came straight here." He paused, swallowing back tears. "I- For a minute I thought-" his voice dropped to a whisper. "I thought he kissed me back. But that doesn’t make sense, I don’t know why he’d-"

"He cares a lot about you, Chan," Felix told him gently. "I could see that when he talked about you. Is it so impossible that maybe he cares about you in the same way you care about him?"

"I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t want to-" Chan broke off, closing his eyes. "I can’t think about that, Lix. Not if I’m not sure. I can’t- I can’t get my hopes up if he doesn’t-"

"Ok," Felix said against his hair, pulling him close as if it would soothe the ache in his chest. "I get it. Do you want to stay here tonight?"

"Can I?" Chan asked in a small voice.

"Of course you can. Any time. I don’t have a spare bed or anything, but you can share with me or I’ll take the sofa."

"I’ll share with you if that’s ok," Chan whispered. "I’m not- I’m not used to sleeping on my own anymore." Felix decided not to ask about that. It implied that Chan had been sharing a bed with Woojin, and perhaps that wasn’t something to bring up right now.

"Ok. Come on, let’s see if I have a t-shirt that’ll fit you."

Chan slept curled close to Felix that night, crying intermittently as Felix rubbed his back or stroked his hair, never quite knowing what to say. What  _ could _ he say? To his best friend who had fallen in love with an angel, kissed him and fled before even asking if he felt the same? What was Felix, of all people, supposed to do about that?

He’d just hold Chan close until he slept, he decided. It was all he knew how to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway through! This chapter comes with a reminder that if you get a tattoo, please eat something beforehand, for the sake of you and your tattoo artist.
> 
> Next update Tuesday <3

Chan left early the next morning.

"I need to go to IKEA," he mumbled as he pulled on his shoes, leaving Felix no room to protest the fact that he hadn’t even had breakfast.

The silence when the door closed behind him seemed to echo.

Alone in his flat, Felix didn’t quite know what to do. First, there had been Jeongin, shaking and secretive and barely there, refusing to even tell Felix why he needed so much help with the most basic of things. And Chan’s arrival had been like a thunderstorm straight after a drought, his friend panicked into a frenzy over a kiss he should never have initiated, should never have  _ wanted _ . Felix wasn’t sure he agreed with that. It was alright to want, he thought. It was alright to fall in love with someone like Woojin.

But Chan had barely given Felix time to calm him down that morning before he left again, little car rattling away down the street and leaving Felix in silence. He didn’t know what to do with it. It sank over him, running down his throat like tar, settling an odd kind of despair into his bones. He couldn’t help Chan. He couldn’t help Jeongin. His two best friends, and he couldn’t even do anything to make it better for them.

For some reason, he called Changbin.

"Hey! This is new." Changbin’s voice sounded a little strange down the phone, but somehow it made Felix feel a little lighter anyway.

"Yeah," he replied. "Sorry, I just… I really needed to talk to someone, and texting didn’t seem like enough, you know?"

"Yeah, I get you. I can’t talk for long, I’m just having breakfast in the park before work, but-"

"Oh my gosh. I forgot you had a job. I’m so sorry, Changbin, I-"

"Hey," Changbin soothed, and Felix noticed for the first time the sounds of the park behind him, birdsong and traffic blurring together. "It’s ok. Talk to me."

Felix sighed heavily. "It’s just… two of my friends are going through some stuff. One of them can’t even leave his flat, and the other… he’s fallen in love with someone he maybe shouldn’t have, and he’s beating himself up about it. And I- I can’t help. I can’t get Jeongin to leave his flat or even tell me what’s wrong, and I can’t make things ok for Chan and I just- I don’t know what to do."

For a moment, he received no response; just the hum of background noise and a faint crackle of static. "Do you think it’s your responsibility? What they’re going through?"

"I- not completely, but- I want to help."

"Of course you do. You’re their friend. But it’s not totally up to you, ok? You can’t give away your whole self to helping other people, Lix. You’ve got to hold enough back to keep you going, too."

"So it’s ok?" Felix asked in a small voice. "That I can’t fix things?"

"Of course it’s ok. I have a friend who’s struggling, too. He’s really struggling, Felix, he has been for a while now, and as much as I want to devote all my time to helping him, I can’t. That would kill me. If I gave him everything, that would just… kill me. So I let him know my door is open. He comes over for movie nights when he needs my company. I text him photos of the stray cats the cafe next door leaves leftovers for. I do what I can to help without letting his life take over mine completely. And sometimes, yeah, I feel guilty about not helping enough, but I do what I can as long as it leaves me with- with the space to take care of myself." A small pause; the sound of a car horn in the background, and a child laughing, probably on their way to school. "Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Felix said softly, then louder in case Changbin hadn’t heard him through the phone. "Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, Changbin."

"No problem. I’ve got to go now, but message me if you need company and we can hang out, yeah? Sometimes you just need someone there."

"I’ll let you know. Thank you. I mean it."

"It’s nothing. I’ll see you around?"

"Yeah. Have a good day at work."

Changbin snorted. "Fingers crossed no more idiots who didn’t eat breakfast. I have no patience with fainters."

Felix laughed, feeling it rise in his chest like bubbles, iridescent and delicate. Changbin made him feel like that a lot, he realised. Joyous. Golden. "Well, good luck. I’ll text you."

"Nice. See you, Lix."

"See you."

He hung up, taking a moment to smile at the way Changbin had so quickly adopted a nickname for him; it wasn’t a special one by any means, wasn’t unique to Changbin, but… somehow, it was good to hear him say it. To have that level of familiarity between them.

Changbin really had made him feel better, he realised. Calmer. The guilt was still there, gathering like cobwebs strung between his lower ribs, but it was lighter, somehow. As though Changbin’s advice had blown a little of it away.

_ You can’t give them everything _ , Felix told himself.  _ You’re giving them what you can, and that’s ok. Leave yourself space to take care of yourself. _

It struck him again just how lucky he was to have met Changbin. To have bumped into him that night, chasing an angel. He was like no one else Felix had ever met.

Felix sent a quick text to Chan, telling him to reply letting Felix know he was safe, followed by another to Jeongin asking if he’d managed to watch the next episode of one of the shows he’d recommended. That was all he could do, for now.

It would have to be enough.

* * *

Changbin texted Felix as the evening began to turn golden; presumably his work day had ended, and he just wanted to check in after their call that morning. Felix barely had time to reply before Changbin called him, and he almost dropped his phone in the hurry to answer.

"Hey," he said a little breathlessly.

"Hey to you too," Changbin replied, and Felix couldn’t help smiling at the tone of his voice, masked a little by background noise but still just as Felix remembered it from that morning; raspy, and a little nasal, but with a warmth to it that made Felix want to listen to him for hours. "Just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I’m ok, actually," Felix admitted. "I thought about what you said earlier, and… you were right. There’s only so much I can do."

"I’m glad you see it. I think you’re a good friend, Felix."

Felix hesitated for a moment, basking a little in the compliment. "Do you- do you want to come over to my flat and hang out?" he asked, emboldened by the fact that Changbin had called to see how he was. "We could watch a movie or something, or- I don’t know if you’re busy, but-"

"Yeah, that sounds good," Changbin interrupted. "I gotta be honest, I was going to invite you to mine, but I’m down with not having to tidy my place."

Felix laughed, and he thought he heard Changbin chuckle down the phone. "I mean, I’ve still got a few boxes of unpacked books lying around, but other than that I’m good."

"I’ll help you unpack them if you want," Changbin offered. "Text me your address and let me know if you want time to sort anything out first, ok?"

"Yeah," Felix agreed, fighting to hold back a smile until he realised Changbin couldn’t see his expression. "I will."

"Cool. I’m gonna hang up now."

"See you later!"

"See you."

Felix barely tidied before Changbin arrived. His flat was still surprisingly clean given he’d been living there a few weeks, although perhaps he could put that down to a good amount of his ornaments and books being thrown untidily into boxes beneath his bed. He still pottered around rearranging things, though, brushing away imaginary dust. It mattered to him, he realised; what Changbin thought of his space.

He tried not to ramble as Changbin stepped inside, but found himself doing so anyway. "You can put your jacket over there if you want- or you can keep it on, I’ve had the fan on all day so maybe it’s kind of cold? I don’t know. Do you want a drink? I don’t know how far you had to walk, I don’t actually know where you work-"

"It’s not too far," Changbin said vaguely, interrupting Felix’s awkward stream of sentence fragments as though it was just any other conversation. Felix was grateful for it; Changbin had a way of putting him at ease that he couldn’t quite explain. "Do you know that bakery? The little one with the super thin whitewash on the walls? It’s near there. It’s been open years, was probably here when you were a kid."

Felix thought for a moment. There was a bakery like that near Chan’s house, he remembered, cosy and rustic. Chan’s grandmother would buy them both pastries there after school some days. "Wait- I think I know the one. They do those little vanilla bean cakes, right? Run by a guy called Jiho?"

"Yeah, that’s the one!"

"My friend’s shop is near there! It’s an occultist’s."

Changbin hesitated. "Do you… do you mean an oculist’s?" he asked carefully. "Like, eyes?"

Felix laughed. "Nope! An occultist’s. As in, witchy stuff. It’s not open right now, but it will be soon."

"Huh," Changbin said with a slightly bemused smile. "That sounds pretty cool, to be honest. Let me know when it opens, I’ll pop in."

"I will! I promise it’s not weird."

"No, I mean it when I say it sounds cool," Changbin confirmed, smiling wider, and Felix felt something in his chest shift, heart beating a little faster in response to that smile. That was… new.

"Yeah, it’s… yeah," he managed to mutter. Was he blushing? He thought he might be blushing. "Did you want tea?"

"Do you have coffee?"

"Sure!"

They hovered mostly in silence while Felix made coffee, increasingly aware of the fact that they weren’t talking. Was this awkward? Was Changbin uncomfortable? Felix felt oddly hyper-aware of him today, as though there were cobwebs strung between them.

"Hey," Changbin said curiously, and Felix almost jumped out of his skin. "Woah, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you."

Felix laughed nervously. "No, it’s ok! I zoned out a little bit. You were saying something?"

"I was just wondering what you’re actually… doing. Like in terms of this city. Do you work, or…?"

"Ah, no. Uni. Finally."

"Finally? Wait, how old are you?"

"Twenty. At the time I was supposed to go, I just… didn’t feel ready." He sighed. His parents had tried to convince him that university was the right choice back then, but it had just seemed too much. "I worked for a few years as an assistant at a nursery school. I loved it, but one of the teachers eventually suggested I get a proper qualification so I could maybe teach older kids, and…" he shrugged. "Here I am."

Changbin smiled. "Here you are. I bet you’re gonna have a great time at uni."

Felix laughed a little sheepishly. "Am I? I feel like it’ll be weird with everyone there a few years younger than me. Like I’m behind, you know?"

"Nah, I don’t think so. There might even be students older than you on your course." He nudged Felix gently with an elbow, and Felix’s skin sparked a little. "And there’s no shame in doing things at your own pace. It sounds like you had a pretty good few years before this."

"I really did," Felix agreed. He meant it. He had loved working with the kids at the nursery, loved listening to their nonsense and watching them smile when he went along with it.

"And it helped you figure out what you wanted to do," Changbin pointed out. "So it sounds pretty productive."

Felix felt himself blush again, unable to take the level of kindness and understanding Changbin was providing. "What about you?" he asked, trying to divert the conversation away from himself. "What made you decide to be a tattoo artist?"

Changbin shrugged. "I always loved art. Got good grades in it at school. Did a whole project on tattoo art in my final year, and I just… I don’t know. It hit me then that that was something  _ I _ could do, you know? So I talked to my parents about going to a proper tattoo institute instead of doing a degree and somehow they actually agreed."

"Did you not think they would?" Felix asked.

"Not really. But it only took about a day to convince them." He grinned. "I guess neither of us did conventional, huh?"

"No," Felix agreed, trying to tone down just how widely he wanted to smile in return. "I guess we didn’t."

His phone buzzed in his pocket then, and he pulled it free to glance at the screen. Chan had texted him, apologising for leaving so quickly and letting Felix know he was ok. Felix must have visibly relaxed, because Changbin’s eyes widened a little.

"Everything ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, sorry. One of my friends who was struggling just let me know he’s ok. I was kind of worried."

"But he’s good, yeah?"

Felix sighed. "I guess so? The message was a little cryptic. I’ll talk to him later."

"If you want to do it now, that’s fine," Changbin reassured him. "I mean, if you’re worried…"

"Nah, this is kind of something he has to sort out on his own. I mean- I want to help, but it’s really his business, not mine."

"This the guy with romance issues?" Changbin asked sympathetically. Felix nodded.

"Yeah. He’s just… it’ll play out. Nothing I can do." He attempted a smile. "Wanna play some Mario Kart or something?"

"Didn’t you have boxes to unpack?" Changbin teased, and Felix shrugged, laughing. Changbin shook his head in mock disappointment, fighting back a smile. "Sure. Mario Kart."

Changbin was much, much worse at Mario Kart than Felix. After four easy victories, Felix agreed to train him, driving round the tracks absurdly slowly to show him secret routes and teach him how to use the boosts well.

"Thanks," Changbin said through his laughter as Felix willingly let himself get hit by a red shell. "I owe you one."

"Yeah, you do," Felix agreed jokingly. "I came eleventh in a race for you."

"Ok. I’ll show you something really cool next time I see you. Does that sound good?"

"Do I get to know what it is beforehand?"

"Nope. It’s a secret."

"Fine. It’s a deal."

They shook on it, Felix doing his best to ignore the warmth of Changbin’s hand in his own, and Changbin headed home, waving with both arms up at Felix’s living room window as he did so. Felix waved back, hoping Changbin could see him.

He sighed as Changbin rounded the corner out of sight, then caught himself. What was he doing, sighing over a friend? Letting his heart race when Changbin smiled at him? The realisation hit him in the stomach, heavy and cold as stone. Did he have a crush on Changbin? Was that what this was? He’d realised that Changbin was attractive before, had learned to love his voice and his smile and his tattoos, but he’d been doing his best not to let it come to this.

Felix sat down on his sofa, staring at Changbin’s empty coffee mug. He hadn’t had a crush in years. There’d been a boy at his old school, tall and quiet and always kind, but nothing had happened; it was high school, and Felix hadn’t even been out.  _ You still aren’t _ , he reminded himself.  _ You still haven’t taken that leap _ .

He wasn’t sure if he ever would. He wanted to. But something just stopped him every time he tried.

Sighing heavily, he washed up the empty mugs, the water scalding his hands a little. Maybe it wasn’t really a crush, he tried to convince himself. Maybe it was nothing. He’d see Changbin again soon, and everything would be the same as it had been before today.

It had to be. There were parts of himself he wasn’t quite ready to deal with just yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Love goes out to any LGBT+ readers in particular today because coming out is Difficult <3

Changbin texted Felix again late the next evening, telling him he’d found somewhere new he wanted to take him. As early in the morning as he could get there, he said. When it was still dark, if possible.

They agreed to meet outside Felix’s flat at five in the end, Felix wincing a little at the concept of such an early start. It was worth it, Changbin promised him, for the secret he wanted to share.

And so Felix stood outside his flat at almost five in the morning, shivering despite his layers. The nights were cold at the moment, often touched with rain, and Felix was regretting pushing all his winter clothes to the back of his wardrobe.

"Hey!" he heard Changbin call, and he squinted at the figure passing through the intermittent orange glow of the streetlights. "Glad you managed to wake up."

"I did consider just not sleeping," Felix admitted, and Changbin laughed. He looked a little tired too, eyes faintly swollen and hair sticking up slightly. Felix stepped closer, reaching out to try to flatten it down, and Changbin stood patiently until he realised he wasn’t making any difference.

"It just does that," Changbin explained. "Always that side, too."

"Do you sleep on that side?" Felix asked as they started walking.

"Not particularly. My ex always told me I moved around a lot in my sleep. Used to kick him, apparently." The words trailed off, and he fell out of step with Felix for a moment. "Did I- did I tell you that?" he asked, voice a little quieter. Felix could hear the trace of fear in it. "That I’ve dated guys. That I’m…"

"Gay? No, you didn’t. It’s cool, though," Felix told him, trying not to let his voice shake. Changbin was gay. The friend he absolutely did not have a crush on was gay.  _ I am, too _ , he thought to himself.  _ I’ve just never really been able to say it. _

"Nice," Changbin said awkwardly. "People aren’t always… you know. Ok with it."

"Yeah. Got a few friends in the same boat."

"Me, too. My neighbour Jisung, the friend I told you about on the phone… his parents really kicked off when he told them. They still keep acting like it’s a phase."

"God, that sucks."

"Mm. He’s not talked to them in a while, I don’t think."

They fell into silence, back in step, matching each other’s rhythm. For a moment, Felix thought to himself that he’d be able to say it; that he was gay, too, that he understood. But the words died on his tongue as they always did, and the moment passed.

"Where are we going?" he asked instead, cursing his own cowardice, and Changbin smiled.

"It’s sort of a park, I guess," he said. "Pretty small, but it has something kind of unique. I want to keep it a surprise."

"Ok," Felix said slowly. "I’m intrigued."

Changbin turned to him, still smiling, coloured in shades of grey against the lightening sky. "It’s worth it," he promised.

"I trust you."

The walk took them a further five minutes, Felix following blindly as Changbin led the way. Eventually, Changbin opened a small wrought iron gate, standing back to let Felix walk ahead of him into the garden. It was lovely in the beginnings of the dawn, clematis and honeysuckle climbing up the fences and softening the effect of the iron. Winding paths, gently landscaped into rises and dips, ran in interconnecting circles, each one surrounded by flowers in bloom and grasses that rustled in the morning breeze.

"Woah," Felix said softly as he looked around. "This place is really just sitting in the middle of the city, huh?"

"It gets better," Changbin told him. "See all the glass bulbs?" He pointed up, and Felix followed his gaze to the multitude of shining glass shapes suspended from various trees. Even in the pale dawn, the colours of them were vibrant enough to cut through the grey, shades of sapphire and amber and emerald.

"Wow," Felix breathed.

"And now we wait," Changbin said, wandering over to a bench and sitting down, stretching out his legs. He patted the space next to him, and Felix sat down heavily, yawning.

"Did I make you get up too early?" Changbin asked teasingly. Felix smiled at him, hoping it was visible in the dim light.

"Maybe a little. But I trust that it’s worth it."

"You sure you’ve known me long enough to trust me that much?" Changbin joked.

Felix shrugged. "Trust isn’t about time. It’s about the right person." He nudged Changbin’s foot with his own. "Hey, maybe that angel I saw was leading me to you."

"Yeah," Changbin said quietly. "Maybe." He was staring out to the east, where the sun would soon break the horizon, and Felix took the opportunity to just… look for a moment. Follow the lines of his profile, the curve of his nose and his lips, the gentleness of his expression, the tattoos of poppies and roses and peeking out from the wrists of his jacket. Felix didn’t think he’d ever met anyone quite like him. Someone so  _ solid _ . Reassuring and trustworthy and reliable. As certain and sure as the sunrise.

Felix supposed it was no wonder he was falling in love with him a little. Even if Changbin would most likely never believe him about angels.

"Hey, here it comes," Changbin said, nudging him with an elbow. Felix turned to face the east.

And piece by piece, the garden came alight.

The sun’s rays hit every glass bulb at a different angle, casting light around the space, each one holding a core of fire as it reflected and refracted the light. The colours spread out gradually, painting the paths and dyeing the flowers unnaturally bright shades of blue and red and gold as the sun rose through the sky, catching each bulb in turn and lighting up the trees.

Felix couldn’t speak. He turned to see Changbin smiling broadly at him, eyes shining with the blue of the glass closest to them. He looked so happy, so glad to share something beautiful with Felix, and for a brief, shining moment Felix genuinely thought about leaning in to kiss him.

But then Changbin turned, pointing at a cluster of green bottles that hung from a nearby tree, and Felix felt the feeling pass.  _ You barely know him anyway _ , he told himself.  _ You didn’t even know he was gay until today. He doesn’t even know that you are too. _

So Felix just kept watching the sunrise with him.

"Wanna get breakfast?" Changbin asked him once the spectacle was over, the sun climbing higher in the sky and the tree branches casting the glass bulbs into shadow.

"Sounds like a plan."

They wandered to one of Changbin’s favourite cafes, spending a few hours there eating french toast and drinking endless rounds of coffee.

"I promise I’ll never make you wake up at five again," Changbin told him as Felix began his third cup, and Felix laughed.

"It was worth it," he admitted.

Changbin smiled, gentle and kind and glowing, and Felix couldn’t get the warmth of it out of his head even after they’d parted ways.

He stood in his flat that night, leaning out the open window, elbows rested on the little railing that gave him about two inches of balcony space.

"Can I have an angel?" he asked the night air in a whisper. "Chan was sent one. I saw one above Jeongin’s flat. I don’t mean to be selfish, or jealous, but can I just… have some help?" He sighed. "There are some things I need to say, and I… I can’t say them. I don’t know why."

He’d spent hours thinking about it ever since he’d realised, running scenarios over and over in his head. His family would be accepting, he was sure of it. His friends, too. Chan had come out when he was fairly young, and Felix remembered the stream of panicked messages he’d received from Jeongin when the poor boy had realised he was bisexual and polyamorous all in one go. And now Changbin.

No one would reject Felix if he told them he was gay. No one would turn on him, spew hate and insults and stereotypes.

But he just… couldn’t say it.

"Please?" he asked softly. "I just need help saying it, and then I think things might get easier." There was no reply. The rain kept falling, a light mist of it, delicate cloud cover obscuring the moon above the city. "Ok," he sighed. "I guess some of us just have to do things on our own, huh?"

He headed back inside, closing the window to keep out the mist, and curled up in bed. And when he fell asleep, he dreamed of flowers, and of bright blue glass, and of wings in the sunrise.

* * *

Chan showed up at his flat the next day, dark circles under his eyes, smile falling false across his lips.

"Can we talk?" he asked, and Felix nodded as he stepped back to let him in.

"Do you want tea?" Felix asked as he waited for Chan to speak. He looked somehow more upset than he had been last time, twitching and tired and unsure of where to begin.

"Yeah," Chan agreed, voice a little hoarse. "Tea sounds great."

He leaned on the counter as Felix searched for clean mugs, setting the kettle boiling as he rinsed them for good measure. Felix stayed silent, sensing that his friend had something to say.

"Woojin and I are together," Chan told him eventually, staring down at his feet rather than meeting Felix’s eyes.

"You- it turned out fine, then? When you kissed him?"

"Yeah," Chan murmured. "I guess it did."

"You don’t seem super happy about it," Felix said hesitantly, unsure of how far to push. He didn’t have any precedent for this situation, really; his best friend had just told him that he was in a relationship with an angel, and it didn’t seem like he thought it was good news.

"I-" Chan began, stopping to sigh heavily. "I just feel like it’s not fair on him, Felix."

"Why?"

"Because I’m  _ trapping _ him. I’m making him choose. He can never go home if he decides to be with me, Felix. Never."

"He knows that, right?" Felix asked, pouring water into their mugs. Chan nodded. "Then it’s his decision. He’s fully informed. He understands the consequences there might be to being with you, and he’s made the decision to stay anyway. You’re not trapping him if it’s his choice."

"What if it wasn’t?"

Felix paused. Chan’s voice was shaking, trembling like a leaf in the wind, and there was something underneath his words that Felix didn’t know how to interpret. " Why wouldn’t it be?" he asked slowly.

"It just- he didn’t choose to find me, Felix. He didn’t choose to get stuck in my basement."

"But he’s choosing to stay," Felix pointed out. He was worried, now, feeling a little dizzy as the fear and guilt in Chan’s words became more and more apparent. Chan and Woojin had both refused to tell him how they’d met; what if there was something dark behind it, something they were hiding for a good reason?

"I guess you’re right," Chan said softly, reaching over to take a mug. "I need time to get used to it, I suppose. To let myself think he really wants to stay."

"Woojin doesn’t seem like the type to say things lightly," Felix pointed out, sipping on his tea to calm himself down. It burned his tongue. "If he said he wanted to stay and be with you, then I think he meant it."

"Yeah…" Chan smiled shakily at him over his tea. "Thanks, Felix. You’re sort of the only person I can talk to about all this."

"No, that’s ok. It’s a weird situation. And actually…" Felix paused. He didn’t know if now was the right time to do this. He didn’t know if there would ever be a right time. But he’d decided that he had to do it on his own, hadn’t he? That he wasn’t going to get an angel to help him. "I kind of have something I need to tell you, too."

"Oh?" Chan prompted.

"I mean- we can talk about Woojin more if you need to, I don’t want to-"

"Felix," Chan said gently. "It’s ok. You’ve already made me feel better. And if you need to tell me something, then that’s ok."

"Yeah," Felix said with a sigh. "Yeah, ok. I guess I just... I…" He bit his lip, looking down into his mug. For a moment, it felt as though the words wouldn’t come, as though he’d simply let the moment pass him by again. "I’m gay."

"Oh," Chan said, blinking a few times. "That’s… yeah. That’s fine, Felix."

"You seem kind of surprised," Felix muttered. His heart was hammering in his chest, and if he spoke any louder he thought he might start crying.

"I mean… I am, a little," Chan admitted. "Not that I like, specifically thought that you were straight, but… you just never talked about it. So I thought maybe there was nothing there to talk about." Silence filled the space between them for a moment, rising like the steam from their tea until Felix dispelled it with a small sob. " Oh. Oh, Felix. Come here." He heard Chan place his mug down on the counter, and then there were arms around him, gentle and secure as Felix let himself cry. "It’s ok. You’re gonna be ok."

"I don’t even know why I’m crying," Felix managed to say through his tears, pulling away and wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands. "You’re fine with it, I don’t-"

"It’s a lot," Chan said gently. "Even if you don’t get some big reaction, coming out is a  _ lot _ , Felix. You’re sharing a secret you’ve kept for- I don't know how long. That’s a big thing, ok? It’s ok to cry."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Come on, let’s sit down."

The two of them curled up on the sofa with their tea, Felix’s head on Chan’s shoulder.

"How long have you known?" Chan asked gently. Felix sighed. He wasn’t sure how to answer that.

"I don’t know. I think I sort of knew when I was a kid, but I didn’t think it… meant anything, you know? Like I knew I liked boys but I didn’t think that was just me. I thought that was how everyone thought about things. And then… I got older, I guess, and I figured out that no, it was just me. I think I properly realised when I was fourteen, but I just… didn’t do anything about it."

"You’ve been holding this in for six years?"

"Yeah," Felix said. "I guess I have." He was crying again before the statement had fully sunk in. Six years. He’d been keeping that a secret for  _ six years _ .

"Hey, it’s ok. It’s ok, Lix."

"I know- I just- sorry."

"Don’t be sorry. It’s ok." His phone buzzed then, five times in quick succession, and Chan laughed. "Someone’s eager to talk to you."

"It’s probably Changbin," Felix muttered, voice thick with tears, and he dug into the sofa cushions to grab his phone from where it had fallen. "Yeah. Changbin."

"Changbin?"

"Someone I met here. He’s a tattoo artist."

"A tattoo artist? How did you meet a  _ tattoo artist?" _

Felix grinned sheepishly. "Would you be surprised if I told you I literally bumped into him in the street and he dropped his stuff everywhere?"

Chan laughed brightly, dimples appearing in his cheeks, and he shook his head. "Nope. Not surprised at all." His expression softened. "I’m glad you’re making friends, though. Moving can be tough."

"I… I maybe kind of like him," Felix admitted, and Chan’s eyes widened.

"Is that why you decided to come out to me now?" he asked, voice rising in volume. "Because you need to talk about boys with me?"

"Oh my god, shut  _ up _ ," Felix whined, pushing Chan away as best he could given Chan’s superior strength. "I tell you my deepest secret and you treat me like a schoolgirl with a crush, this isn’t  _ fair _ ."

"Ok, ok, I’m sorry," Chan said, laughing. "But I mean it. If you want to talk about him, then…"

"Yeah, yeah. You’re here." Felix sniffed, wiping away the last of his tears. "I’m gonna go wash my face. I’m kind of snotty."

He retreated to the bathroom, wiping his eyes and nose before he ran the tap to splash water on his face. He’d told Chan. He’d told Chan that he was gay and it had been… fine. Felix exhaled, still shaking a little. He’d admitted that he had a crush on Changbin, too. That was… interesting. He didn’t quite know what to do now. At least Chan could maybe give him advice. The thought warmed him, and he offered his reflection a shaky smile as he wiped the last of the tears from his eyes.

"You ok in there?" Chan called.

"Yeah! Just coming out."

"You already did that," Chan joked, and Felix felt laughter rise in his throat like bubbles, pushing through the last of the tears.

"Yeah," he agreed as he opened the door, collapsing onto the sofa under Chan’s arm. "I guess I did."

"Are you gonna tell your parents?" Chan asked, and Felix hummed as he thought about it.

"Not yet. I will, but… not tonight."

"Ok. You can always talk to me about it, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Felix replied softly.

"Good. Want me to stay for a bit?"

"If you think Woojin will be ok. I don’t want to steal you from your boyfriend."

Chan shifted, silent for a moment, and Felix got the impression that he was still distinctly unsettled by the concept of being with Woojin. "He’ll be fine," he said eventually. "I want to hear more about Changbin, anyway."

Chan stayed until late in the evening, letting Felix ramble on about sketches and rose tattoos and parks at dawn. It felt good, Felix realised, to just…  _ talk _ about something like this. To let that flutter in his chest out for a moment, a bird released from a cage and finally singing. There was fear there, too, a thrill of it running through him at the thought that now he might be able to tell  _ Changbin _ that he was gay. That Felix might even have some kind of chance with him, now.

He pushed it down. One thing at a time.

Once Chan had gone, he collapsed down onto his bed, scrolling through the texts he’d missed from Changbin. One was a photograph of a dog, followed by a few brief, staccato messages describing just how cute it had been. Felix replied quickly, apologising for not doing so sooner, and Changbin replied almost instantly telling him not to worry.

They talked for a little while longer, just until Felix started to fall asleep; he sent another apology, promising he’d reply in the morning. He added a heart emoji without thinking, and panicked for a moment until Changbin ended his next message with the same.

Felix’s chest hummed with that bright, free sensation again. Birdsong between the struts of his ribs, pushing through his skin like light.

Moments later, he fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fairly short chapter today! Only two more to go...
> 
> Next update Saturday <3

Felix spent most of the next morning watching the sky. His conversation with Chan had put angels back on his mind, and the urge to simply watch the clouds and hope had become too strong to ignore.

He slipped off his shoes, dangling his legs through the gaps in the railings of his balcony, letting the sun warm his bare feet and ankles as he leaned back on his hands, staring up.

"I did it," he murmured. "I said it without any help. Will it be easier next time?" No reply came. "I guess not."

His phone rang then, ringtone loud against the peace of the clouds, and Felix thought about ignoring it until the caller ID flashed on the screen.

"Hey, Changbin," he said as he picked up, not bothering to hold back a smile. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah," Changbin replied. "I’m just on lunch and I felt like chatting. Up to anything much?"

"Not really. Just watching the clouds. Thought I might see something else if I watched long enough."

"Still looking out for angels, huh?" Changbin asked. He sounded a little teasing, but not in a way that Felix particularly minded.

"I’ve had pretty good luck so far," Felix pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess you have," Changbin agreed, quietly enough that Felix could barely hear him down the phone. Despite acknowledging that it was completely reasonable, it still made his chest ache just a little to think that Changbin doubted him so much.

"Any interesting customers today?" Felix asked brightly, wanting to change the subject.

"Oh, god," Changbin began, sighing heavily down the phone. "Let me tell you about this one guy…"

They chatted until Changbin’s lunch break was over, the clouds still sculling on overhead. Were they seeing the same clouds, Felix wondered? Was the wind blowing the right way for the same figures to pass over them both?

"I’ll see you soon, yeah?" Changbin asked just before he hung up.

"Definitely. I think you’re kind of stuck with me now," Felix joked.

"Wouldn’t have it any other way," Changbin replied, and the sincerity of his tone struck Felix somewhere between his ribs. For a moment, he found himself unable to respond.

"Same to you," he managed to say, and barely heard Changbin as he said goodbye and hung up.

"Bye," he said fruitlessly into his phone, sighing contentedly as he placed it down beside him. Changbin was happy to be his friend. Changbin wanted him around. He was happy that Felix wasn’t going anywhere.

Felix found himself grinning widely enough that his cheeks started to hurt. He must have been smiling during the whole call, he realised, and somehow the thought just made the glow in his chest even brighter.

He was so lucky to have found someone like Changbin. So  _ unbelievably _ lucky.

"Maybe you did send me an angel," he murmured up to the sky. "Maybe the one flying that night really was just to send me to him. I only meant it as a joke when I said that."

Just as before, no answer.

Felix sighed. He’d get sunburn if he stayed here all day. And he still had one box left to unpack, after all.

* * *

The text from Jeongin came through late in the afternoon, just as Felix had finished arranging all his books on the shelf. He read it three times, unsure of whether Jeongin was being serious.

_ I want to go outside _ .

Felix was halfway down the street before he’d even finished texting back, so caught up in the excitement of the moment that he forgot his jacket. He’d be fine without it, he decided, not wanting to waste time going back for it. Jeongin needed him. Jeongin wanted to go  _ outside _ . After the last time, the terror and the tears, Felix hadn’t been sure that would ever happen.

But it had.

Jeongin was pacing on his balcony when Felix approached his building, turning every two steps in the confined space. Felix whistled, and Jeongin looked down, smiling broadly. Smiling. Jeongin was  _ smiling _ . What on earth had happened, Felix wondered as he sprinted up the stairs, to make Jeongin change so much for the better so quickly?

"Hey," he said breathlessly when Jeongin opened the door. He looked healthier. Like he’d actually been sleeping. "You, uh. You look great."

"You mean I look like a human being?" Jeongin teased gently. There was still something in his eyes, Felix noted with a sinking heart. Something haunted. But there was a brightness there too, a shine that Felix hadn’t seen in a while.

"You said- do you still want to-?" Felix asked. He couldn’t seem to form the words, as though he was still afraid they would drive Jeongin back inside, back into his head.

Jeongin’s smile faltered a little. "Yeah," he said, voice dropping a little. "Yeah, I do. Just- slowly. Ok?"

"Sure!" Felix agreed, smiling as brightly as he could. "Have you got your key? Don’t want to get locked out." Jeongin nodded, holding it up before slipping it into his pocket. "Ok. How… how do you want to do this?"

"I don’t know," Jeongin said, biting his lip briefly. "I didn’t think this far." The two of them stood for a moment, either side of the threshold, as Felix waited for Jeongin to decide.

"You know what," he said. "Take my hands, and we’ll-"

A gust of wind, blowing in from the open window and rattling the door in the frame, interrupted him. Jeongin had stumbled over the threshold before he could stop himself, Felix catching him awkwardly. The wind died down as quickly as it had arisen, and Felix blinked in shock.

"What… that was weird."

Jeongin laughed. "Yeah. It was." He didn’t seem quite so surprised as Felix, but his expression fell before Felix had time to process that. "I guess I’m out now," he said softly, and Felix squeezed his shoulder.

"Down the stairs?" he asked gently. Jeongin nodded.

"Down the stairs," he agreed. He reached for Felix’s hand, intertwining their fingers, and Felix applied what he hoped was a reassuring pressure.

They took it one floor at a time, taking longer pauses for Jeongin to even out his breathing as they grew closer to the ground floor. His expression grew fearful, and more than once Felix asked him if this was enough for today.

"No," he replied. "I want- I want to go outside properly. On the street."

They paused in front of the door to the building for a good while. Jeongin was pale, hands sweating, and Felix didn’t quite know what to do except rub his back, murmuring encouragement.

"Come on," he said. "You can spend two minutes out there. Sixty seconds, even, you don’t have to stay out there long. Just come out with me for a minute, yeah?"

"Yeah," Jeongin said eventually. "Ok. Let’s go. Right now." He wiped his palms on his jeans and took Felix’s hand again, letting his friend lead him out the door and onto the street.

To Felix, it felt no different from being on the balcony. The cars were closer, yes, but the smell, the sunlight, the faint gust of a breeze were all the same.

But judging by Jeongin’s expression, it didn’t feel that way to him. He looked somewhere between ecstatic and terrified, eyes wide and shining, little shaky breaths catching in his throat.

"You ok?" Felix asked carefully. Jeongin nodded mutely. Felix didn’t quite believe it; Jeongin was gripping his hand tight enough that it hurt, shoulders hunched and feet shuffling back towards the door. "Want to go back inside?"

Jeongin paused before he nodded again, almost sprinting back towards the door, slowed only by Felix’s grip on his hand. He sat at the foot of the staircase, eyes squeezed shut and breathing hard as Felix rubbed his back.

"There you go. You did it! We can head back up now, and you can get some rest. You did it."

"I did it," Jeongin whispered, apparently more to himself than Felix. "Oh god. I did it."

"Come on," Felix said gently. "Back up we go."

Jeongin didn’t appear to relax until they were back in his flat, the door locked behind them. He sat on his sofa, breathing slowly, while Felix made him a cup of tea. He was more curious than ever about what Jeongin had been through to make him so very afraid, but less inclined to ask. It wasn’t his place. Not when Jeongin was so reluctant to speak of it.

"I can’t believe I did it," Jeongin murmured as Felix passed him a mug. "I just- I can’t-"

"You did it," Felix said gently. "That’s all that counts. I’m proud of you, yeah?"

"Thanks," Jeongin said, smiling faintly at him.

"And I guess we should thank that weird gust of wind, too," Felix joked.

Jeongin’s smile dropped a little, and Felix got the distinct impression that something was being kept from him. It was the same feeling he got whenever he asked Chan or Woojin how they’d met, and it was more than a little unsettling.

"Yeah," he agreed quietly. "I guess we should."

They didn’t talk more about their trip outside after that.

"Thank you," Jeongin said to him as he left later that evening. "For helping." He glanced away, seeming nervous. "If I… If I wanted to go out again. Would you help me? Obviously not if you’re busy, but just… sometime."

"Of course I would," Felix told him warmly. "Any time you want. Just text me, ok?"

"Yeah," Jeongin agreed, smiling broadly. "I will. Thank you. Thank you, Felix."

"Come here." Felix pulled Jeongin into a hug, squeezing him tight. "I’m always here for you, yeah?"

"I know. And if- if you need me- I know I can’t come to your house or anything, but if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here."

Felix held Jeongin for a beat longer, trying not to cry. "Yeah," he said thickly. "I know. I’ll see you later, ok?"

"Yeah. Text me when you’re home safe."

"I will."

The sun had long since set when Felix left Jeongin’s building. He stopped on the street for a moment, trying to imagine what it must have been like for Jeongin to finally step outside after weeks hiding indoors.

Something brushed his shoulder as he stood, floating down to settle on the pavement beside his feet in the gentle evening breeze. Felix glanced down, thinking it a little early for leaves to fall, and felt his heart still in his chest for a moment.

Resting on the pavement, white enough to shine a little in the evening light, was a feather. It was too big for any bird he knew, almost as long as his forearm, and faintly warm to the touch as he picked it up.

There was only one thing it could be.

He held it gently in his hands as he walked home, dwelling on Jeongin’s recovery. He really had been so much better than the last time Felix had seen him, but he’d made no mention of therapy, or any other friends helping him to recover.  His mind flashed back to all those weeks ago - a shadow on Jeongin’s roof, soaring out into the night. Was that who was helping Jeongin recover? Did he have an angel, taking care of him?

It would explain the sudden gust of wind earlier, Felix thought vaguely. Wing beats, strong enough to push Jeongin out into the world he’d been hiding from.

He held the feather up, studying it carefully. There was no way to be sure that it had come from an angel. He knew that. And he was biased, he supposed, having seen Woojin. Just because that angel had been near Jeongin’s flat didn’t mean it was there for him.  But Jeongin was healing in a way Felix hadn’t thought possible, growing and learning and breaking from his shell like a butterfly in the spring. To Felix, the transformation was almost... divine.

He had no other word for it.

* * *

Over the next few days, Felix found himself spending more and more spare hours with Chan, clearing and tidying the shop. Every job seemed to lead to six more, new charms or boxes of tarot cloths unearthed, new cracks in the paintwork discovered. They spent a significant amount of time just dusting, Chan sighing over the state it had fallen into, running his fingers over charms that still hung in place.

"Can’t you just use magic to clean this?" Felix asked. "I saw your grandma do something like that once."

Chan laughed. "I probably could, but I’ve not had enough practice. Proper magic takes a lot out of me."

"I’ve never seen you do it," Felix said curiously.

"I did a bit recently," Chan said vaguely. "Hey, can you help me get this box down?"

"Sure." Apparently, magic wasn’t something Chan really wanted to talk about. It felt to Felix like there were more and more subjects like that with Chan; things he just never quite wanted to discuss. Felix tried not to feel sad about it. They’d spent a lot of years apart, after all. Perhaps there would always be gaps they’d never bridge.

"How are things with Woojin?" he asked as the two of them sat down on the shop floor for lunch. He watched Chan smile, dimples appearing in his cheeks. "I’m guessing that means good?"

"Yeah," Chan confirmed. "That means good." He sighed, still smiling. "He’s just… I love him, Felix. He’s… everything."

"Not feeling guilty anymore, then?" Felix asked gently, and Chan’s smile faded just a little.

"I don’t… I don’t think that’s something that’ll stop," he said haltingly. "Not completely. Not with someone like him." Felix reached out, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. Chan returned the pressure. "He’s going to stay, though. With me."

"Forever?"

"Yeah," Chan murmured. "I think so. Do you want to go down and say hi?"

"Yeah! It’s been a while."

Down in the basement with Woojin, Felix wasn’t sure how Chan had ever doubted that the angel loved him; it was clear as a scrying glass in Woojin’s expression, the way he would shift a little when Chan did as though some strange gravity pulled them together. There had never been any doubt that he would stay, Felix thought. Not really.

"Hey, I forgot to ask," Chan said as Felix pulled on his shoes in the doorway. "How are things with that guy? Changbin, wasn’t it?"

"Yeah," Felix said softly. "Changbin."

"So?" Chan prompted.

"I haven’t seen him face to face since I last saw you. He’s had work. But we’ve called, and we text a lot."

"How much is a lot?"

"Uh. Pretty much non stop when he’s not busy."

"Are you going to see him again?"

"We don’t have any plans, but… I hope so. I’d like to."

"Make a plan," Chan said gently, nudging Felix with his foot. "Be the one to take that step."

"He doesn’t- this isn’t a dating situation, Chan," Felix said helplessly. "I haven’t even told him I’m gay."

"But there’s no harm in loving someone, Felix," Chan told him softly. "Even if you think it’s not possible. It’s ok to just… let yourself love someone."

"Yeah," Felix agreed, watching the way Chan’s expression turned wistful as he looked towards the stairs. "I guess so."

There had been no harm in it for Chan, he supposed as he wandered home. He had let himself love an angel, and been loved in return.

Changbin wasn’t an angel. Nor was Felix. Was it different, he wondered, when it was just between people? When there was nothing divine drawing them together, no magic running through either of their veins? Felix didn’t know.

He hoped not.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end! This is probably my favourite chapter, actually, so I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Final update will be on Monday <3

Felix stayed in bed late the next morning, flicking through photos Changbin had sent him in the night. He’d been sketching yesterday, judging by the number of pictures he’d sent. He wondered, vaguely, who they were for. Someone would walk the streets with these patterns permanently a part of them. Perhaps Felix would even pass them by.

He ran his fingertips over the smooth skin of his arm. He’d thought about getting a tattoo at one point. He wasn’t entirely sure it would suit him but, he’d always liked the idea of regarding something as so important, or so lovely, that you’d want to keep it that close.

As if reading his mind, Changbin texted him again, asking what he’d get if he ever decided that he wanted a tattoo. Replying that he didn’t know, Felix barely had to wait a moment before Changbin texted him again, asking if he could come over so that he could show him more designs.

Sending back a quick and enthusiastic agreement to the plan, Felix showered and dressed as quickly as he could, fighting back a smile even as he ate. Changbin was coming over. He was going to see Changbin again. The thought made his heart hum.

Maybe he could even come out to him today, Felix thought. His chest went tight at the idea, stopping his breath in his throat, and he put it to one side. Not today, then. He wanted Changbin to know, wanted to share it with him, but… not yet.

His phone buzzed just as he was finishing his breakfast, and he picked it up almost embarrassingly fast. Changbin, letting Felix know he was on his way. Felix didn’t even try to hold back his smile this time.

* * *

A knock on the door announced Changbin’s arrival, and Felix practically leaped from the sofa to answer it. His friend was carrying four more sketchbooks than usual, and Felix was unsure of how he’d actually managed to knock.

"I brought designs," Changbin said, holding up the books. "Wanna look through them?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Together, they sat on the living room floor, the sketchbooks spread out between them. "Just so we’re clear," Changbin said, reaching out to touch Felix’s hand to stop him opening the first book. "I’m not pressuring you to get a tattoo. I’m really not. I just thought it would be… fun. To look at these."

Felix nodded enthusiastically. "It will be! I thought about getting one a few times, but I don’t know what it would be, you know?"

"Yeah, I get you," Changbin agreed. "It’s a weird decision."

"How did you decide on the flowers?" Felix asked as he began turning the pages. "I know you said you just thought they were pretty, but…"

"There’s a big difference between thinking something is pretty and getting it permanently marked onto you, right?"

"Well, yeah."

Changbin smiled, stretching out his arms. "I got one at first. On my elbow. Bit of a painful spot for a first tattoo, but…"

"Is it?"

"The closer the bone is to the skin, the more it hurts. People who get their ribs done…" he hissed through his teeth. "I stuck mostly to softer skin. I liked the first flower so much I asked how much it would be to have it extended into a sleeve, and here I am."

"I really like them," Felix told him, flipping over another page to see an elaborate design of a bat, wings patterned with stars. "I can’t believe you drew these. They’re all amazing." He glanced up. "Not that- I’m not saying you can’t draw, but the  _ work _ involved-"

Changbin laughed. "Yeah. I’ve gotten faster at it over the years. See anything you like?"

"This one," Felix murmured, trailing his fingers over a stream of neat little planets, stars connecting them in the form of little dots. "It’s pretty. These, too." A pair of koi fish, simple and elegant, cherry blossoms floating in the water beside them.

"You know," Changbin said slowly, "if you wanted to test any of them out, I could paint them? On you, I mean."

Felix’s eyes widened. Changbin looked almost shy waiting for a response, and his heart leaped. "I- that would be so cool! Seriously?"

"Yeah. It would be fun. And if you’re not sure if you want one…" Changbin shrugged. "It’s a good way to try, I guess."

"Could you- could you do these? The fish?"

Changbin peered over at the sketch, nodding. "Yeah, sure. Where do you want it?"

"Where’s easy?"

"Hmm." Changbin shuffled around so that he was sitting beside Felix, reaching carefully for his hand. "Can I roll up your sleeve?"

"Um- sure," Felix managed to say. His heart was beating fast enough that he thought Changbin might be able to see his pulse jumping in his wrist. Gently, Changbin pushed his sleeve back, brushing his fingertips over the plane of skin just below the crook of Felix’s elbow. Felix swallowed.

"A lot of people get their first one here," he explained. "It’s soft skin, nowhere near a bone; it looks pretty, too. Pretty obvious if you wear a t-shirt, but can be hidden with long sleeves if you want."

"Yeah," Felix said, voice not coming out quite as loud as he would have wanted. "Yeah. That sounds good."

"Ok," Changbin confirmed. "I’m ninety percent sure I have painting stuff in my bag. I usually do."

"You just carry paints around?" Felix asked, laughing a little.

Changbin shrugged. "I like to paint. Sometimes I see things worth painting when I’m out and about."

"What sort of things?"

"Trees with nice leaves. Traffic lights. Light on the river."

Changbin started rifling through his bag, and Felix just watched him for a moment. Every time he thought he was done discovering new things, Changbin surprised him. Every time he thought he couldn’t want to love someone even more.

It hurt, just a little. The ache of potential, of a sprout inside a seed not yet broken. Felix hoped so, at least.

"There," Changbin said, pulling out a set of delicate brushes and a tube of black paint. "Do you want to do this here? As in, will you be mad if I accidentally get paint on your floor?"

"No, here’s fine," Felix reassured him. "Do you want a plate or- oh, you’ve got a palette. Nice."

"Always prepared," Changbin murmured, squeezing out a little of the paint and turning the sketchbook so that the design faced him. "Ok, this will be cold."

Felix nodded, and Changbin shuffled a little closer so that they were knee to knee, gripping Felix’s arm gently with his left hand while his right ran a smooth, curving stroke of black over his skin. Felix twitched a little, and Changbin looked up at him through his lashes.

"That ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, it’s just- you were right," Felix said weakly. "About it being cold."

"You good for me to keep going?"

"Yeah, of course."

He sat still as Changbin added another curve, the line smooth and strong and running to meet the first. The body of the first fish, Felix realised.

"You picked a pretty design," Changbin said as he added the outline of the fins. His voice was low, words coming haltingly as he concentrated on his work. It made Felix want to shiver and blush simultaneously in a way he wasn’t sure how to process. He did his best to sit as still, hoping his face wasn’t too red.

"You drew it," he pointed out, hoping the words came out lighthearted. "Are you complimenting yourself?"

Changbin laughed slightly, not looking up as he added delicate scales along the body of one of the fish. "I guess I am," he admitted. "But I’m complimenting your taste, too." He paused, pulling back a little to examine the image so far and add a little more paint to his brush. "I forgot to ask you how big you wanted it. Is it going to bother you this big?"

"No, not all. It’s perfect," Felix reassured him quickly.

"I’m glad." He flashed Felix a quick smile. "I’m not this unprofessional at work, I promise."

Felix laughed just as Changbin lowered the brush towards his skin again, and he pulled away quickly, brush raised a little threateningly in the direction of Felix’s face. "Don’t move."

"Stop making me laugh, then."

"Fine. Think about something serious."

"Like what?"

"I don’t know. Snow."

"Is snow serious?"

"It’s not particularly funny."

Felix pressed his lips together, fighting not to laugh again, and Changbin smiled up at him again before he lowered the brush, painting the rounded petals of the cherry blossom beside one of the fish. After that came details, light flicks of the tip of the brush against Felix’s skin to add lines to the petals and the fins of the fish. It tickled, and Changbin ran his left thumb soothingly over the bare skin beside the paint. Felix hoped desperately that he didn’t notice the goosebumps that arose, or at least that he didn’t think anything of them.

"There," Changbin said slowly as he added the last details to the stamens of the flowers. "Done." He released Felix’s arm, leaning back and out of his space, and Felix realised suddenly just how close he had been.  _ I could have kissed him _ , he thought vaguely, and did his best to shake the notion away.

He looked down at his arm to distract himself. It still shone a little in places, paint not quite dry on his skin. The design curved a little around his arm, shifting with his skin, giving the impression, almost, that the fish were in motion, petals floating and drifting beside them.

"Do you like it?" Changbin asked quietly. He seemed a little anxious.

"I love it," Felix reassured him. "It’s beautiful, I- thank you."

"No problem," Changbin replied, smiling. "I had fun."

"I guess painting people is a little different from tattooing them," Felix said lightly.

"Oh, it is. If someone fainted from just paint I’d be worried." He looked around at the sketchbooks littering the floor. "I guess I’ll pack these up."

"No, don’t. I want to keep looking at them," Felix said.

"Oh. Sure. I sort of thought you might be done."

Felix shook his head. "No way. Your art is gorgeous, I want to see more of it."

Changbin smiled, apparently a little embarrassed. "Look at this one," he advised, handing a different sketchbook over. "I keep all my bigger designs in that one. And be careful with your arm, it’ll smudge since it’s not really dry."

Felix took his advice, rolling his sleeve halfway up his bicep and using his left arm for the rest of the day. He gave Changbin a one-armed hug as he left, painted arm stuck comically out to the side, and Changbin laughed.

"You can’t keep it forever," he pointed out. "It’s only  _ on _ your skin, not under it."

"I’ll keep it for as long as I can," Felix promised. "It’s too pretty."

Changbin smiled, warm and sweet, and it was with that smile in mind that Felix arranged his arm carefully against his pillow later that night, hoping that he wouldn’t move and smudge the paint. He wanted to keep it for as long as possible, the petals dancing on his skin, koi fish frozen in motion.

If it would always make Changbin smile like that to see his art on Felix’s skin, he’d keep it forever.

* * *

The next morning, Felix sat with his phone, staring down at the photo of his mother on her contact. He wasn’t sure exactly what had prompted him to think about texting her on that particular morning; perhaps it was yesterday, the way he had felt with Changbin so close, painting petals on his skin. The fact that he didn’t think he could ignore this anymore.

It would be fine, he told himself. Realistically, it would be fine.

It still took him another ten minutes to open up their text thread and begin typing. And even then, he retyped the message seventeen times, trying over and over to get down what he wanted to say.  This should be simple. It had been simple enough with Chan, after all.

Felix closed his eyes. Thought about what it was that he really wanted to say.

_ Would you be ok with it if I liked boys? _ he typed slowly. It wasn’t exactly right; wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say.  _ There’s a boy, _ he wanted to tell her.  _ And I think I like him and he might not like me back but just in case he does I want to know if I can bring him home to meet you _ .

But that seemed like too much to start with.

Felix sent the text. His heart was in his throat instantly, a slight dizziness overtaking him. He’d told his mother. He’d told her, in a roundabout sort of way, that he was gay. And now, he supposed, he just had to wait.

Almost ten minutes passed before Felix received a response. He sat by his phone the entire time, too tense to move, just… waiting. He didn’t think he’d ever been quite so afraid. Was this how Chan had felt, he wondered, waiting for the comments to begin rolling in on the post he’d made? Maybe Felix should have asked him for advice on this; it might have seemed less daunting.

His mother’s text, when it came through, was long enough that he had to scroll up to reach the top of it and begin reading.

It made him cry. It made him  _ sob _ , hand clutched over his mouth as he read through the outpouring of love and acceptance and apologies; apologies for not noticing, for not making him feel like he could have said this sooner.  _ I’m sorry _ , she said, over and over again.  _ I love you. I’m sorry _ .

Felix called her. "Hi, mum," he managed to say through his tears. "I love you, too."

Things would be ok, he thought as they talked, heart soaring and shaking in his chest, both of them struggling through sobs to communicate what they needed to. Six years of hiding, and he was finally free.

He was  _ loved _ . Unconditionally, and absolutely.

* * *

Felix didn’t get to see Changbin again before the last of his ‘tattoo’ washed off. He sent him a photo of the last smudges of it accompanied by a great many sad faces, and Changbin just sent back more in return, followed by a promise to paint him another one.

Chan grinned broadly when Felix told him about it as they cleaned up the shop; he was almost ready to open now, and Felix was spending every day with him, tidying and arranging displays and having lunch down in the basement with Woojin. It was peaceful, in an oddly frantic way, to make something ready like this. Felix thought he could feel the shop waiting, just as happy as he was that it was lovely again.

Changbin texted him just as he was hanging up some sprigs of dried herbs in the window. A group of schoolgirls had stopped to watch him and he had offered them a friendly wave; they had scurried away, blushing and giggling, only one of them waving back. Felix was still smiling to himself as he read Changbin’s message. It was a request to meet up with his friend Jisung- he thought they’d get on, and there was no time like the present, right?

Felix quickly agreed, saying he’d love to meet him, and between them they set a date four days from then. He smiled as he slipped his phone back into his pocket, returning to the display. He was going to meet Changbin’s friend. It sounded as though he and Jisung were close, too, Changbin mentioning him just often enough that Felix had built up a clear picture of what he was like. It would be nice, he thought, humming happily to himself, to finally meet him. He did his best not to think of it in any kind of romantic light; it wasn’t as though Changbin was trying to get his friend’s  _ approval _ of Felix in any way. The thought made his heart jitter in his chest, and he couldn’t quite push it away until Chan called on him for help with something.

The days leading up to the meeting passed in a blur of crystals and herbs and evening walks with Jeongin; he could never go far, staying within sight of his building, but he and Felix would wander up and down the street together, talking nonsense in the late evening sunshine. Jeongin was almost the same as Felix remembered these days, and relapses into fear were growing few and far between.

Jisung, when they finally met the day after the grand opening of the shop, was almost exactly as Felix had imagined him; a little more nervous, perhaps, but that was to be expected when meeting someone new. They fell into a conversation almost instantly, sharing a sense of humour and a fair few interests, and when Felix glanced at Changbin he was smiling broadly, apparently happy to see his friends getting along. And when Jisung mentioned his cat, and his landlord’s two week deadline to find it a new home… to Felix, it felt like fate. He and Jisung exchanged contact details, and within two hours of heading home his new friend had sent him seventeen photos of his cat-to-be. Saxophone, Jisung had called him. It was a cute name.

Felix lay in bed that night, heart light in his chest, wondering when exactly things had gotten so perfect. The opening of the shop had gone perfectly, he and Chan and Woojin celebrating with champagne afterwards; Jeongin was healing; he had found a new friend in Jisung, and was already preparing to welcome a new companion into his flat; and he'd come out to his family, after _six years_ of hiding.

And he had Changbin. Gentle, steady,  _ perfect _ Changbin.

As if on cue, his phone buzzed.  _ Wanna hang out tomorrow? _ Changbin had asked him, followed by another, shorter message:  _ just us. _

Felix agreed immediately, the sensation of warmth in his chest rising into his throat. He thought he might cry, silly as it was. He just didn’t think he’d ever been this  _ happy _ . Even as the feeling faded a little, it still smouldered, an ember of contentment glowing from between the coals rather than a flame.

It stayed there as he fell asleep, an amber haze warming his ribs. He would see Changbin again tomorrow, he thought to himself as he drifted off, coherence beginning to fade. He would see Changbin, and everything would be perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Saved most of the angst until the end.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this far in the series! It really means a lot. 
> 
> I'm going to take a short break before I post the last story, because:  
> a) it is BY FAR the longest, and will therefore require most editing  
> b) Real Life is happening, and I need to focus on it for a bit
> 
> It won't be a long break, and I'm hoping to post the last story, Tria Prima, sometime in early August (sorry to any 3In enthusiasts, you'll have to wait a little).
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this last chapter <3

Felix knew the path to their cafe well enough now that he could walk it without focusing on his feet; cut the corner here, cross the street to avoid a puddle there. So he watched the sky as he walked, rain just beginning to fall from darkening clouds.

"You’ll fall over backwards," Changbin had once told him when he caught Felix staring at the sky on their way back from a park at dawn. "Or crash into someone, like you did with me."

Felix laughed along with him. "I’m looking for something," he’d said. And Changbin had looked at him, gaze uncertain and a little sad. Felix hadn’t known quite how to respond to it. That look. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know by now that Changbin didn’t believe him about angels, but it still hurt just a little. They hadn’t talked about it in a while, he realised, both of them apparently laying the issue to rest as something they knew they would never have in common. Felix was almost glad of that. It was proof, somehow, that they wouldn’t break apart easily.

He sighed, trying to think of something else; he could see blue sky beyond the dark clouds above, he realised, meaning that it would most likely be dry when he walked home. That was something, at least.

And then it caught his eye; a shape in the clouds.

Wings wider than any bird.

The shape of a man, ducking through the eddies of the storm.

Felix broke into a run, following the angel through the streets and alleys just as he had the first time. He didn’t know if it was the same one; the shape was too indistinct, too far up, shielded and shrouded in cloud. He turned left, and right, and right again, struggling to keep the angel in view when he couldn’t follow the clean, straight line it was flying in.

From somewhere on his left, the sound of a car horn rang out.

Too close.

That was  _ too close _ .

The world seemed to slow, falling into perfect, crystal-cut clarity as the headlights blurred in his peripheral vision. The rain fell in slow motion, every drop reflecting and refracting his view of the oncoming car as he turned to face it, raising his arms to protect his face as though it would make a difference.

A hand grabbed the strap of his bag, pulling him out of the road and off his feet. Felix landed half on whoever had caught him, the back of his head hitting against their shoulder as the world sped up around them, rainfall returning to its usual cacophonous rhythm as his rescuer struggled out from underneath him.

"What the  _ fuck _ , Felix?"

Changbin. That was  _ Changbin’s  _ voice.

Felix pushed himself off the pavement, ignoring the slight crowd that had gathered around them, and turned to face him. He was white as a sheet, hands shaking, and Felix didn’t think he’d ever seen him look so scared.

"Changbin- I- I was-"

"You ran into the road, Felix!" Changbin shouted. "You just ran out without even looking, you- you were just staring up at the  _ fucking _ clouds and you-"

"I saw-"

"I don’t care!" Changbin interrupted, and Felix fell silent, feeling smaller than he ever had. He was starting to ache, hand scratched and bleeding from scraping along the pavement, the worsening rain chilling his bones, and Changbin’s expression was fading into something furious. "I don’t care what you think you saw,  _ I  _ nearly just saw you get hit by a car!" He paused, breathing hard, wiping the rain from his eyes. "This is a main road, Felix! You would have been killed if he’d hit you, I would’ve-" Felix watched him squeeze his eyes shut. "I would have had to watch you die, Felix. That car would have just-"

"It was an angel," Felix said weakly, and Changbin looked at him as though he were fading away in front of his eyes.

"You think that  _ matters _ ?" he yelled, voice cracking a little around the words. "You think the  _ specifics _ of your delusion are important here? Not the fact that it made you run into a road?" He tilted his head back, facing up towards the sky as he blinked back tears, and Felix just felt  _ numb _ .

Delusion. He thought Felix was completely insane. He’d spent all this time with him, talking, laughing, painting tattoos on his skin; and why? Because he wanted to fix him? Because he pitied him?

Without thinking, Felix turned, heading back through the rain towards his flat.

"Felix- what- where are you going?"

"Home."

"Felix-"

"You think I’m insane, Changbin," he shouted, turning to face him again. Changbin flinched, and Felix realised they’d never seen each other like this. Never seen each other screaming and tearful and running out of things to say. "What else am I supposed to do? Hang out with you like it doesn’t matter?"

"It doesn’t," Changbin said, words barely audible through the rain and the traffic. "It doesn’t matter unless it gets you hurt, Felix."

And Felix had no idea how to respond to that.

"I’m going home," he managed to say eventually, turning and running through the rain before Changbin could reply. He thought, for a while, that he heard footsteps a little way behind him, a voice calling his name. He ignored it.

Back in his flat, soaked and shivering, Felix scrolled through his phone contacts. Could he talk to Jeongin, jumpy and tired and plagued by nightmares? Chan, so hopelessly and helplessly in love with Woojin? Jisung, who he barely even knew?

He turned off his phone.

Sitting with his back against the front door, Felix burst into tears.

* * *

At four in the afternoon the next day, Felix was still in bed. He had slept poorly, waking up crying almost every hour, fighting the urge to turn on his phone and message Changbin, telling him that he was sorry, begging him to still be Felix’s friend even after everything. He’d thought about calling Chan, too, but he didn’t quite think he could cope with being near someone so obviously touched by an angelic presence just then.

He thought about asking, as he had before, for an angel to help him. Had gone out onto his balcony at five in the morning, ignored the rain soaking through the thin fabric of a t-shirt washed one too many times. But when it came down to it, he hadn’t been able to speak. Hadn’t been able to beg for an angel, when they’d caused him all this trouble in the first place.

He tried to ignore the fact he would never have met Changbin at all if not for the shadow of wings in the dusk.

But here he was, nearly twelve hours later, watching the light shift on his wall as it filtered through the blinds. It seemed darker than it should have been at that time of day. Perhaps it was raining still. Felix didn’t particularly care.

At first, he thought the knock on the door was just his imagination, his mind playing a trick as it waited for someone to care that he wasn’t answering his phone. But it sounded again, louder, followed by a muffled call of his name. Felix rolled over, heart suddenly so much more present in his chest. He knew that voice.

"Felix?" Changbin called. "Felix, please let me in, I- I need to talk to you. God, I need to talk to you, Felix, I’m  _ sorry _ , I take it all back, I- you haven’t been answering my messages and I just- god. Oh god. Please talk to me."

Felix rolled out of bed and shuffled towards the door, unsure whether to answer. He wanted to talk to Changbin. He did. And from what he could hear, Changbin sounded positively  _ desperate _ to talk to him.

But he was a  _ mess _ . He looked exhausted, and gross, and like he’d been crying for about a day. Which of course, he had.

"Felix? Please tell me you’re there. Oh, god, I don’t know what I do if you’re not here.  _ Fuck _ ." He sounded like he might be crying, and that was the final straw for Felix. He couldn’t make Changbin cry. He couldn’t.

He took the last few steps, unlocking the door and pulling it open.

Changbin was sitting outside his door, back to the wall. As Felix had suspected, he was crying. He looked up at the sound of the door opening, nose red and eyes watery, and Felix knelt down to wrap his arms around Changbin’s shoulders.

"Felix. Oh god. Felix. You were right, I’m sorry, you-"

"Come inside," Felix said softly, rubbing his back gently. "We can talk inside, ok?"

He led Changbin inside, sitting him gently down on the sofa where he refused to let go of Felix’s hands.

"I’m sorry, Felix," he said again. "I mean it, I’m  _ so _ sorry, I-"

"That’s not important right now," Felix lied. It was. An apology from Changbin, an acknowledgement that they could still be friends, was all he really wanted. "Just tell me what happened, yeah?"

Changbin was silent for a moment, closing his eyes and breathing shakily. Felix tentatively laid an arm around his shoulders, hoping it was what Changbin needed and not an invasion of his space.

"I saw- I saw an angel, Felix," he choked out. "An  _ angel _ . Right there. And it had  _ wings _ -" He stopped, blinking. "It knocked on my door. Just. Stood there in the corridor and  _ knocked _ ."

"It  _ what _ _?_ " Felix asked. This sounded insane. Was this a joke? Was Changbin playing a trick on him, mocking his belief?

"I know. It was-  _ he _ was looking for Jisung," Changbin said, running his fingers back through his hair in distress. "Said he couldn’t find him in his flat and I told him he’d moved and gave him his new address and he just… walked through my flat to the fire escape and headed up." He turned to face Felix, tears welling up in his eyes again. "I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not believing you. You were right this whole time, and I- I called you  _ delusional _ , I-"

"It’s ok," Felix told him, a little uncomfortably. He still wasn’t entirely Changbin wasn’t making fun of him. "I probably wouldn’t have believed me either, you know?"

"That doesn’t make it ok that I- that I said that, though," Changbin insisted. "I’m sorry, Felix. I really am."

"Apology accepted," Felix said, smiling broadly, and Changbin smiled back a little through his tears. He turned, shifting so that he was facing Felix properly, and exhaled.

"So," he said decisively. "Tell me… everything. All the stuff about angels that you haven’t told me. The one you saw above your friend’s flat, the one you met. I want to… I want to listen to you properly."

Felix thought he might cry. "Do you… want me to start at the beginning?" he asked hesitantly, and Changbin nodded. "Ok. I guess it started the night I met you."

He recited almost everything that had happened, from meeting Woojin and Chan’s dilemma over loving him to suspecting angelic involvement with Jeongin, even showing Changbin the feather he’d found, watching his eyes widen at the sight of it.

"Wow," Changbin said when he’d finished. "No wonder you’ve been so stressed about your friends. That’s… that’s a lot to be dealing with."

Felix laughed, hugging a pillow to his chest. "Kind of, yeah."

"Want a hug?"

"Kind of, yeah," Felix repeated, and Changbin shuffled closer on the sofa to pull wrap his arms around him. Pressing his face into Changbin’s shoulder, Felix breathed in the scent of his skin, taking a moment to appreciate the way Changbin had half-dragged him forward a little so that Felix was leaning on him. That was something he could get used to.

"This is… probably a weird request," Changbin began as he pulled away. "But… my flat feels kind of weird right now, since… since an angel just kind of walked through it, and… I was wondering if I could- could I just sleep on your sofa, tonight? It’s ok if not, it really is, but I just-"

"That’s fine, Changbin," Felix said, doing his best to smile reassuringly. "I get that this is probably kind of weird for you."

Changbin laughed. He really did seem a little shaken. It was odd, when Felix was used to seeing him so calm, so steady. "Just a little."

"You don’t- you don’t have to take the sofa," Felix added awkwardly. "I mean- if you don’t want to be by yourself- Chan just shared my bed when he came over, it’s really fine if being by yourself will freak you out."

Changbin hesitated, expression shifting, and Felix felt his stomach drop as he realised he’d probably crossed a boundary there, had probably pushed further than Changbin was comfortable with in suggesting they share a bed. But Changbin smiled a little, small and shaking, and nodded.

"If that’s not- if it’s not weird for you. That would be… yeah. Thanks."

"Not weird at all," Felix reassured him. "I promise."

Changbin smiled wider then, like a rosebud blooming into full flower, and Felix was hit, sudden as a summer rain, with the realisation that things were going to be just fine.

* * *

Felix woke earlier than Changbin, lying in the hints of sunlight falling through the blinds as he waited for his friend to stir. He didn’t particularly feel like climbing over him to get to the kitchen, he had decided, so his only other option was to wait.

Changbin sighed a little in his sleep, brows creasing in a momentary frown before his dreams smoothed it away again. He looked so peaceful. So gentle. Felix had been right when he’d said that the flowers suited him; there was something about the delicacy of them, the softness of the petal’s curves, that was just so  _ Changbin _ .

Felix watched him a little longer, the flutter of his eyelids and faint motions of his lips as he half-formed words, never quite enough to meet the air as sound. Perhaps Felix would talk to him today. Really talk.

Because lying here, watching the sun turn Changbin golden, was perhaps the closest to love Felix had ever felt.

Changbin shifted moments later, opening his eyes blearily.

"Morning," he mumbled, and Felix didn’t even try to hold back his smile.

"Good morning. Want coffee?"

"God, yes."

Changbin finished in the bathroom just as the water boiled for coffee, and he held up one finger as Felix waved the pot of sugar at him questioningly.

"Thanks," he said when Felix handed over the mug, leaning on the counter and settling into silence. Felix got the impression he had something to say, so he just sipped his own coffee as he waited.

"How long was it," Changbin said eventually, "until this stopped feeling weird to you?"

"The angel thing?"

"Yeah."

"I guess when I met Woojin," Felix said thoughtfully. "Like, when I spoke to him, you know? Then it just felt… more real."

Changbin laughed a little. "Apparently we’re going to have different turning points, then. I just met an angel and everything is… just as weird."

Felix nudged him gently. "You didn’t have the build-up I did. I’m sure Woojin would be happy to meet you if you wanted. Or you could contact Jisung and ask if you could meet the angel he’s obviously friends with."

"Yeah," Changbin murmured. "Friends." His brow furrowed. "You know, he talked to me about a guy. Said he  _ shone _ . That he thought he was in love with him, but the guy was so far out of his league that nothing would ever happen."

"You think it was an angel?" Felix asked incredulously.

"I guess it would explain a lot," Changbin admitted. He laughed again, staring down into his mug. "God, when did my life get this crazy?"

"Sorry," Felix murmured. "It would probably be a little saner without me in it."

Changbin looked at him then, secret and searching, lit up by the late morning sunlight streaming into the kitchen. "Trust me, Felix. If someone told me I could undo the last few weeks and redo them without you, they couldn’t even pay me to say yes. I’d rather have angels and absolute insanity than have normality and not know you." Felix didn’t say anything to that. He didn’t think there was anything he  _ could _ say. Luckily, Changbin continued before the silence stretched too long. "Which, I guess means I really have to talk to you about something."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." Changbin sighed. "It’s better to do it now, rather than tell you further down the line and have you more uncomfortable with it." He looked down at the floor for a moment. "You know I’m gay. And I know you’re ok with it, but… I like you, Felix. Kind of a lot. And I thought… I don’t know. I thought about not telling you at all. But that didn’t feel right to me, especially after you offered to let me sleep in your bed, and… I thought I ought to tell you now, in case you want me to like- step back a bit, or if you’re gonna be uncomfortable sharing a bed if I stay over again since you’re straight and-"

"I’m not," Felix blurted out before he could keep talking. Changbin glanced up in surprise, and Felix felt himself turn red. "Straight, I mean. I’m not straight."

That  _ really _ wasn’t how he’d imagined doing this.

"Oh," Changbin said blankly. "You’re not?"

Felix stared down into his mug. "I should have said a while ago, really, and I’m sorry I didn’t, but- I’m gay." he admitted. "I wasn’t out when you told me that  _ you _ were gay and maybe I should have said it then but I kind of couldn’t, and then I started really liking you and I didn’t know how to bring it up or whether I even  _ should _ , because it seemed really unfair and stereotypical to assume you liked me just because you were gay; it’s a whole straight guy mindset, you know? That you were gay and therefore you like,  _ had _ to be attracted to me, so I just-"

"Felix," Changbin said, holding up his hand. "Felix, stop." Felix fell silent immediately, waiting for Changbin to speak. "Are you- are you telling me you like me?" Changbin asked slowly.

"I- yeah," Felix said weakly. "Yeah, I like you. As in, I really want to date you."

Changbin seemed a little lost for words for a moment. "I… I’d like that," he said eventually. "If we dated."

It took a moment for his words to sink in. "Wait- you want to date me?" Felix asked. "Like- really? You really want to date me?"

Changbin laughed then, bright and sweet and lovely, and Felix couldn’t help laughing along with him. "Yes, Felix," Changbin said gently, putting his coffee down on the counter and stepping close enough to touch Felix’s cheek hesitantly. "I like you a lot, I have for a while, and… I’d like it. If we tried to maybe be more than friends."

Felix beamed. "Good," he said. "I’d like that too." He paused, and Changbin laid his hand on Felix’s where it rested on the countertop, obviously sensing that something was wrong. "I’m sorry," Felix said quietly. "For not telling you earlier. If I’d come out to you back when you came out to me, I guess this would have happened sooner."

"Felix," Changbin murmured. "You don’t have to be sorry for that. Ever. Coming out isn’t… it isn’t something you owe people. It’s for you to decide. If you hadn’t felt ready to tell me for months after this, that still would have been ok. I probably would have still wanted to try this, even if you hadn’t told me now."

Felix sniffled a little, stepping forwards slightly so that Changbin could pull him into a hug. "That’s not fair. You can’t just say things like that. You can’t just be that  _ good _ ."

"I hope I am," Changbin replied, rubbing his back gently. "That’s what you deserve."

"Oh my god. Shut up."

"No."

And Felix just laughed until Changbin laced their fingers together and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, looking more fond than Felix had ever seen him.

* * *

Changbin didn’t kiss him properly until almost a week later. Felix had spent a few days at Chan’s, dealing with the aftermath of Woojin’s Fall, and he was more than a little shaken. When he’d wandered down to the basement, the smell of blood had hit him hard enough to make him gag, and the sight of Chan, pale and exhausted, frantically scrubbing at the floor… it had been something he never wanted to see.

At least Woojin was all right. He had been off-balance, struggling to walk, and had burst into frantic tears at the sight of his own back, but he was alive. He had Chan.

They had each other.

Felix had called Changbin as soon as he reached the end of the street. "Can I come over?" he’d asked in a small voice, and Changbin had texted him his address immediately. Felix had sent a quick text to Jisung asking if he’d be ok to go round to Felix’s and feed Saxophone for one more night, and had set off for Changbin’s as fast as he could.

Sitting on Changbin’s sofa and explaining the situation, Felix had just burst out crying. Changbin held him close, rocking him slightly as he made gentle, soothing, sounds, and Felix had never been quite so glad of him.

"Woojin really loves him, doesn’t he?" Changbin asked. "To go through something like that for him."

"He does," Felix confirmed in a murmur. "You should see the way he looks at Chan. Like he’s the whole world."  Changbin squeezed his hand, and Felix felt something stir in his chest, sweet and vibrant as flowers blooming. "I love you," he told Changbin. "You know that, right? And I know it’s probably way too early to actually  _ say _ it, and you don’t have to say it back, but-"

"I love you, too," Changbin told him softly, and Felix fell silent as he leaned in just a little before pulling away. "Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"You don’t have to ask," Felix told him distantly, a little distracted by his proximity.

Changbin shook his head. "I want to make sure. I don’t want to push you just because we’re having a moment, you know?"

Felix couldn’t help smiling. "How are you so perfect?" he asked in a murmur, and Changbin just waited, thumb brushing over Felix’s cheekbone. "Yes," he said eventually, realising exactly what Changbin was waiting for. "You can kiss me."

And Changbin did; once then, on the sofa, and throughout the evening as they cooked and washed their dishes and curled up on the sofa again in front of a film.

Lying in Changbin’s bed that night, the sodium glow of the street lamps illuminating Changbin’s features and setting the flowers on his arms and back aflame, Felix thought about everything that had led him to this point. Not all of it had been good; there had been tears and fear and worry amongst every lovely thing; every cup of coffee in a little sepia cafe, every glow of sunlight through glass, every stroke of paint against his skin. But Felix didn’t think he minded. Not when he was here.

Not when he was happier than he had ever been, with Changbin by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see more of my work, and some of the thought processes behind it, come and say hi on my shiny new (very green) tumblr! You can find me under nettlestingsoup just like you can here, and I'll be posting about stray kids, writing, and maybe the odd snippet of unpublished AUs or hints as to what I'll be posting next. I hope to see you there! <3


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